You might be a FOT if.... You know how to how to
spell "Jabekke". You walk proper lines through
the grocery store. You've ever had to explain the
term "pucker factor". You've been known to yell "It
means 'check your mirrors' dammit!" at
your television. You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas
without complaining. You bought a race car
before buying a house. You bought a race car before
buying furniture for the new
house. You buy new parts because you don't know where
you put the spares.
You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't bought
furniture! You find
that you need a new house because you've outgrown your
garage and the neighbors are threatening violence if you
park one more vehicle on the street or in the front yard.
The requirements you give your real estate agent are (in
order of importance): 1) 8
car climate controlled garage with an attached shop. 2)
Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew cab dually,
a 28'enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th wheel.
3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your welder.
4) A grease pit. 5)
Convenient to a hazardous waste disposal site.
6) Deaf neighbors. 7) Across the
street from a paint and body shop. 8) Some sort of
house with a working toilet on the property
somewhere
-or- hookups for the motorhome.
You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the number of
race tires that could have been purchased.
"You know well that Orthodontic work is the equivalant of
three sets of tires"
You hear "overcooked it" and think "off the track" instead of
"Luby's". You sit in your
race car in a dark garage and make car noises and shift
and practice your heal and toe, while waiting for
your motor to get back from the machine shop. You look
at the purchase of tools as a long term investment. Your
wife says, "If you buy another set of tires, I'm
getting a new mink." If you can lose five
pounds in a July afternoon while eating
chili dogs. Your children are named after
famous Triumph race car drivers (and one or more of
them were conceived at a race track). The next one
will be named Tullius Alexander, eh Sean?
your garage holds more cars than your house has bedrooms.
you're tired of people asking how fast your car is and
expecting to hear the top speed in MPH, not a lap time at
some local track. you
have an immaculate car which you drive one day a week,
and the vehicle that gets you around the other 6 days is
rusted, covered with duct tape, and has a pair of Vise
Grips holding the clutch cable together. You promise
yourself you'll fix it right after this season, or when you
need your Vise Grips for something else. (my Sterling)
You have enough spare parts to build another Triumph
Personnel @TRF, VB, & Moss recognize your voice and
greets you by name when you call
You have car parts in your cubicle at work (third gear)
The guys at the local tire store laugh when you come in
Your grandmother is shocked to find you have a pair of
jammies that cost $400 and the seat doesn't even drop down
You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner
is: "Racers, start your engines!"
If you can't remember when you last worked on weekdays and
rested on weekends."
You're registered for wedding gifts at BFE and Racer's
Wholesale. Your Christmas list
begins with a Triumph Tune CR gearbox and Carrillo rods
(and your 'significant other' knows what these are).
After your answer to "How was your weekend?" the next question
is always: "And you do this for fun? Right?"
You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
You've ever repaired your lawn mower with AN hardware.
Your lawn mower has a fuel cell.
Questionable taste...but true. A new racing
catalog arrives in the mail and you disappear to
the bathroom for hours. Your reading material
in your bathroom consists of auto parts and racing
supply catalogs, several books written by famous drivers,
every book Caroll Smith has ever written.... and 400 car
magazines, none of which have centerolds. People
know you by your class letter, car number, and car color.
People know you by your "off"s. "Oh,
you are the one stuck in the pea gravel at Canada Corner last
weekend!" Your first
date involves asking her to crew for you. Your criteria
for selecting a significant other include auto
repair skills. Air tools optional. Your friends
don't recognize you without a helmet and
driver's suit. Your family remembers your
hair color as "grease". You plan your wedding
around the race schedule. You astound the clerk at
Sears by bringing in a snapped breaker bar
every other week or so. You remember the dates and
details of every race you've ever been in, but
can't remember your phone number. Your family brings
the couch into the garage so they can
spend some time with you. You know you might be a FOT
when crawling around in the muck wrenching on your own
car is _much_ more appealing than reclining on the sofa,
watching the pretty cars go around on TV
with a beer in your hand... (you might be a
Corner Worker if...) you pick up the phone and say,
"Control this is...."(Irv Korey) You complain when cars
in front of you on highway off-ramps don't stay on the
line, causing your exit speed to drop. A neighbor asks
if you have any oil, to which you query, "Synthetic or
organic?" and they reply, "Vegetable or corn." A
neighbor asks to borrow some brushes, you hand them brushes
for a generator/alternator and they give you a funny look.
You tell a friend you need to clean up the head this weekend
and they think you mean the toilet.
You give out [your favorite racing catalog here]'s number
when a friend asks for the best hardware store.
You refer to the corner down the street from your house as
"Turn One." You look at
the fire hydrant at that corner and see an apex
marker. You enjoy driving in the rain
on the way to work (or school). You always late apex
the intersection and try to pass a few
cars coming out. Everywhere you go, you try to
find the fastest line through the turn (not
neccessary going fast). You always do a toe & heel down
shift while whoever might be your passenger
gives you a real funny look. You buy real cheap tires
for your street car, so you can save $$$
for the real (race) tires. You can't stand anyone telling
others how to drive. Of course,
you are the best. You can't stand
understeer. You always want to change something in
your street car to make it handle
better. You will gladly pay up to $6 for a bottle of
engine oil. You hate long distance driving, but you will
gladly drive 800 miles to the race
track. You memorized the menu at Denny's.
You buy Gatorade by box.
You think that traction control and ABS are for those who
can't drive. You've ever
tried to convince your wife you needed that flow
bench to fix the air filter on her station wagon.
You save broken crankshafts as "momentos". Your last
several freeway forays included just brushing the
curbs as you apexed the on-ramps perfectly.... You've
found your lawnmower runs pretty good on 108 octane
gas (but doesn't particularly care for alcohol)
When your friends who smoke come over you've got these
really unusual ash trays for them to use (made by J&E
and ROSS) You've got 3
immaculate race cars always race ready, but your wife has
to nag you for 2 months before you fix the headlight in
her car Your "daily driver"
is continuously being mistaken for an abandoned car as
you haven't taken the time to wash it in
over a year
You hang out with Jack Drews/Bob Wismer/Irv Korey/Bill
Dentinger/John Harkness
Jeff Snook/John Fridirici, Russ Moore, Greg
Petrolati...etc.
And you miss Mike Belfer & Bill
Ames............................
edited/modified from "unknown"
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