Dear Fellow FOTers
I was working hard on a crankshaft vibration article for Triumph over
Triumph when, during a tea break, I decided to read Irv's e-mail.- Very
amusing Irv. It ruined my concentration, so I packed up magazine work and
decided to put a few observations down on paper (while my wife Julia is at
work), about shopping.
I avoid shopping with Julia like the plague, because nine times out of ten
she'll try on everything in the shop and then decide that she wants to try
on everything in a shop thirty miles away. If I want clothing I go into my
local menswear shop and within ten minutes I've bought a jacket, trousers,
two shirts, a couple of ties half a douzen pairs of socks and underpants
etc.
As for Supermarkets, I only go once a year to help Julia with the Christmas
food shopping, and what a bloody nightmare that is. I'm still getting over
last year's experience when I left a full trolly at the pay desk and walked
out. It would be interesting if fellow FOTers suffer the same experiences.
-
I always seem to arrive near the pay desk when, in front of me a lady,
oblivious to those behind, will invariably start talking to the till girl
and delaying things further. Last year, when I walked out, the
conversation in front of me had developed into an account of recently
experienced surgery for one of those 'femail' problems - a 'hysterical
rectum' I think it was. And what about those trollies blocking the way -
whilst their users gossip about the price of spuds or grandma's bad knees.
I also have an eternal problem when dressing to go out for the evening.
Julia will say "your not wearing that shirt with those trousers are you?
This can happen two or three times before she's satisfied I'm fit to be
seen in public. BUT, when I'm ready, she'll come down stairs two or three
times in various dresses etc. and ask me what she looks best in - what do I
know!!. AND how irritating it is when ladies say,"You look smart, I bet
your wife dressed you," - when she did'nt.
How do you avoid those inevitable 'domestics' when you've been out with the
boys and get in late - sometimes the worst for a few beers? A friend of
mine swears by his method. He advocates that one should never creep in
trying to be quiet, because your good lady will have been preparing for
your arrival and will be wide awake anyway. He says always knock the milk
bottles over on the doorstep -that's most important-, and as you climb the
stairs stumble regularly whilst singing "I'm in the mood for love." The
wife will instantly fall into a deep sleep and nothing will be said. To
avoid an encounter in the morning one must wake up first -singing the same
song - and your wife will jump out of bed and rush downstairs to put the
kettle on. Has anyone tried this Stateside?
The same pal kept looking at the clock in the village pub last week, and
eventually said, at half past eight, "I've got to leave early tonight, I
don't want to be late". I said, "What's up are you trying to win some
points?" He said, "No the wife's lost her voice and I don't want to miss
it".
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