Hi all!
I know some of these have been around before, but there were some I hadn't seen
in here. Too many of them apply to me!! ;)
Keep Triumphing,
Susan :)
> -You think the primary purpose of wings is to
> PREVENT flight.
> -You take your helmet along when you go to buy new
> eyeglasses or check out cars (seats).
> -You feel compelled on a road trip to beat your
> previous best time.
> -You are happiest when your street car's tires are
> worn to "racing depth".
> -When something falls off of your car, you wonder
> how much weight you just saved.
> -When you hear 'overcooked it', instead of food you
> think 'off the track'.
> -You change engine oil every other week.
> -You sometimes hear little noises from your
> passengers when you get on the throttle right after
> turning in.
> -You thoroughly enjoy showing the tailgater behind
> how to drive around a highway off-ramp.
> -Your racing budget is one of the big three -
> mortgage, car payments/maintenance, dating.
> -Your email address refers to your race car rather
> than to you.
> -You walk "proper lines" through the grocery store.
> -You've paid $4.00 a gallon for gas without
> complaining.
> -You buy new parts because you don't know where you
> put the spares.
> -You bought a race car before buying a house.
> -You bought a race car before buying furniture for
> the new house.
> -You're looking for a tow vehicle and still haven't
> bought furniture!
> -You find that you need a new house because you've
> outgrown your garage and the neighbors are
> threatening violence if you park one more vehicle on
> the street or in the front yard.
> The requirements you give your real estate agent are
> (in order of importance):
> 1) 8-car climate controlled garage with an attached
> shop.
> 2) Outside parking for 6 cars, a motorhome, a crew
> cab dualie, a 28' enclosed trailer and a 34' 5th
> wheel.
> 3) 3 phase 220V outlets in the garage for your
> welder.
> 4) A grease pit.
> 5) Conveniently close to a hazardous waste disposal
> site.
> 6) Deaf neighbors.
> 7) Across the street from a paint and body shop.
> 8) Some sort of house with a working toilet and
> shower on the property somewhere or hookups for the
> motorhome.
> -You measure all family acquisitions in terms of the
> number of race tires that could have been purchased.
>
> -You know well that orthodontic work is the
> equivalent of three sets of tires.
> -You sit in your race car in a dark garage and make
> car noises and shift and practice your heel and toe,
> while waiting for your motor to get back from the
> machine shop.
> -You look at the purchase of tools as a long term
> investment.
> -Your wife says, "If you buy another set of tires,
> I'm getting a new mink."
> -Your garage holds more cars than your house has
> bedrooms.
> -You have enough spare parts to build another car.
> -More than one racer supply house recognizes your
> voice and greets you by name when you call.
> -You have car parts in your cubicle at work.
> -You think the last line of the Star Spangled Banner
> is: "Racers, start your engines!"
> -If you can't remember when you last worked on
> weekdays and rested on weekends.
> -You're registered for wedding gifts at Pegasus and
> Racer Wholesale.
> -Your Christmas list begins with "another set of
> Toyo RA1's" and aluminum rods (and your 'significant
> other' knows what these are).
> -After your answer to "What did you do this
> weekend?" the next question is always: "And you do
> this for fun? Right?"
> -You have a separate drawer for 'garage clothes'.
> -Your reading material in your bathroom consists of
> auto parts and racing supply catalogs, several books
> written by famous drivers, every book Carroll Smith
> has ever written and 400 car magazines, none of
> which have centerfolds.
> -People know you by your class letter, car number,
> and car color.
> -People know you by your "off"s". "Oh, you're the
> one stuck in the mud at ButtonBog last weekend!"
> -Your first date involves asking her to crew for
> you.
> -Your criteria for selecting a significant other
> include auto repair skills. Air tools optional.
> -Your friends don't recognize you without a helmet
> and driver's suit.
> -Your family remembers your hair color as "grease".
> -You plan your wedding around the race schedule.
> -You astound the clerk at Sears by bringing in a
> snapped breaker bar every other week or so.
> -You remember the dates and details of every race
> you've ever been in, but can't remember your phone
> number.
> -Your family brings the couch into the garage so
> they can spend some time with you.
> -You complain when cars in front of you on highway
> off-ramps don't stay on the line, causing your exit
> speed to drop.
> -A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you
> query, "Synthetic or organic?" and they reply,
> "Vegetable or corn."
> -You give out Automotive Engineering's number when a
> friend asks for the best hardware store.
> -You refer to the corner down the street from your
> house as "Turn One."
> -You look at the fire hydrant at that corner and see
> an apex marker.
> -You enjoy driving in the rain on the way to work or
> school.
> -You always late apex the intersection and try to
> pass a few cars coming out.
> -Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line
> through the turn.
> -You always do a toe & heel downshift while your
> passenger gives you a real funny look.
> -You can't stand anyone telling others how to drive.
> Of course, you are the best.
> -You can't stand understeer.
> -You always want to change something in your street
> car to make it handle better.
> -You will gladly pay up to $8 for a quart of engine
> oil.
> -You hate long distance drives to visit relatives of
> to go on vacation, but you will gladly drive 800
> miles to the race track.
> -You think that traction control and ABS are for
> those who can't drive.
> -You've ever tried to convince your wife you needed
> that flow bench to fix the air filter on her van.
> -You save broken car parts as "mementos".
> -Your last several freeway forays included just
> brushing the curbs as you apexed the on-ramps
> perfectly.
> -You've found your lawn mower runs pretty good on
> 108 octane gas (but doesn't care for alcohol).
> -The local tire shop won't honor the tread life
> warranty on any car you have been within 50 yards
> of.
> -The shop manager at your local car dealer mutters
> "dear Lord" under his breath after he sees the size
> of your exhaust system.
> -The local police and state Highway Patrol have a
> picture of your car taped to their dashboard.
> -You spend more time polishing your exhaust tips
> every day than you do bathing.
> -Instead of pictures in your wallet, you have
> qualifying times.
> -You would choose a roll bar over air conditioning
> if it were an option.
> -You enjoy driving through wet, empty parking lots
> and using the emergency brake to kick the back end
> out.
> -White smoke coming out from under your tires is a
> common sight.
> -You consider the redline a "conservative
> suggestion" and the rev limiter "a fun limiter"
> -You spend more on insurance premiums than on food.
> -Your idea of a good time is sitting around figuring
> out gear ratios and the ideal final drive ratio for
> given situations.
> -When someone refers to "The Good Book", you think
> of "Prepared to Win"
> -When someone asks where you went to school, you
> reply, "Skip Barber".
> -You have racing shops programmed on your speed
> dialer.
> -You own five cars and only one of them is street
> legal.
> -You know the 1/4 mile times and skid pad numbers of
> your riding mower and want to improve them.
> -You've embarrassed your significant other at least
> once by insisting on wearing your full face helmet
> while driving.
> -You know the "racing line" of every turn in your
> daily commute, including your alternate routes, and
> practice hitting them every day.
> -You quote your street tire wear life in weeks
> rather than miles.
> -You regularly live test your rev limiter on that
> straight that's a little too long for 2nd but not
> worth going into 3rd for.
> -You've started looking for sponsors for your daily
> commute.
> -You've slalomed in a construction zone, and counted
> your penalty time in the rearview afterwards.
> -After you tell your wife where you'd like to go on
> your vacation she answers: "Why... is there a race
> there?"
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