High Speed Triumph Research Laboratory to Downsize
The High Speed Triumph Research Laboratory located at Soggy Bottom near
Myersville has released a report stating that the Laboratory will
drastically reduce operations. The reduction is due to the cessation of the
flow of funds from the Laboratory's benefactor, Lord Whitworth.
Established in 1997, the initial mission of the Laboratory was to develop a
TR3 into a High Speed Competition Machine. The High Speed Research Team
conducted experiments in the Laboratory toward this goal. This mission was
modified in early 2004 into Get the TR3 to Run at All.
The Prototype High Speed TR3, the test bed for the Laboratory's experiments
known affectionately to the Boffins as "The White Car", is being sold to
finance the daily living expenses of the remaining Research Team.
Boffins Sir Alex Redding and Craig "Pop" Wensley are being let go, but have
announced their availability for Consultant work, should the Laboratory need
them. Dr. John Herrera, Chief Boffin and Custodian, is being kept on to
sweep the Lab floor and watch over the Prototype TR3 until it is delivered
to the new owner. In return, he is allowed to live in the cottage on the
property of Lord Whitworth's Estate, Soggy Bottom. Felix Holstein will
remain on as Official Mascot.
The new mission of the Laboratory is to find a cure for Vacancy of the
Cranium in College Administrators. This research will continue until a cure
is found or until it is decided that a cure cannot be found, whichever comes
The Laboratory will also continue to maintain The Blue TR3. This was a Mule
that served as a test bed before The White TR3 was obtained. The Blue Car,
affectionately known to the Boffins as "Old Reliable", is presently stored
in the Laboratory's Annex at Soggy Bottom. The Annex is also known as "The
Other Shed". The Blue Car will be moved to the Laboratory's Main Facility
when the Prototype TR3 is removed.
"'Tis a sad sad day in Soggy Bottom", commented Dr. Herrera on the
downsizing of the Laboratory.