Don't read if (SOT = sort of off topic)?
This is humor, and NOT intended to
be taken with a grain of salt?
Hunh?
The Dark Sucker Theory
For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but
recent information has proved otherwise.
Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call
these bulbs Dark Suckers. The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of
dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.
First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs
suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are
in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere.
The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck
dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to
suck dark than the ones in this room.
So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they
are full of dark, they can no longer suck. The dark spot on a full
Dark Sucker proves this.
A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white
wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black,
representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a
pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black.
This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle.
One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their
limited range.
There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't
handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage
Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied
or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.
Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from
the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating
Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must
travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This
generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch
an operating candle.
Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below
the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to
slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and
darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness.
This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and
the lighter light floats at the top. Thss is why it is called light.
Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you
were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and
slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter
the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see
the dark leave the closet.
Next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is a Dark Sucker.
Sorry about the post, but this disputes most of what I have been led to
believe...
Jon E. Wennerberg
Seldom Seen Slim Land Speed Racing
#436 M/PS/G 1340 CC
2001: 200.471 mph - 2002 GOAL: 220.554++mph
Marquette, Michigan 49855
(That's Way Up North)
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