Fellow fiends:
I realize there is no MG content in this posting but its a big race weekend
coming up and I thought to submit the following for your dining pleasure. A
friend here has two tickets to the US 500 (given to him by a friend of a
friend who is a mechanic on one of the teams), and has decided to go
(instead of giving me the tickets! the selfish B*****D). This will be his
first big race event in many many years. I was trying to disuade him from
going, but I think it didn't work.
Obligatory MG content: I drove the B in today. It ran fine.
Cheers and have a rewarding holiday!
WZ
>
>Regarding the big race; yes, its true: I was trying to talk you out of it.
It appears that that my first effort didn't work, so let me tell you a bit
more about the race and the facilities:
>
>--Most women in the grandstands will be asked to expose themselves.
>--The restrooms offend even motor cycle gang members. Take plastic gloves
and your own paper. Better yet: hold it.
>--Your car will be looted during the race. Try not to let it spoil the day.
>--You will park about a mile and three-quarters from the track and it will
cost you $100 and you will not find your car afterwards.
>--Forget buying food there. Even the drinking fountains are expensive, and
the water is hot.
>--You can't buy a cola for less than $10, nor a bag of chips for less than $8.
>--The hot dogs are dark green and smell bad, the buns are rock hard and the
mustard is dry. The pickles are sickeningly sweet and act as an emetic (at
least it seems so, as several fans in your vicinity will toss their lunch
sometime during the race).
>--The stands and track are at such a slope that you can't see the cars most
of the time.
>--Some men in the grand stands will be asked to expose themselves.
>--Fist fights are routine. If you're not drunk, you will likely get beaten
by several people who are.
>--People will have to scream into your ear to tell you their most intimate
secrets. Your ears will ring until next thursday.
>--This is America, baby, and you're on your own.
>--Your head ache will last through Monday, and no pain reliever will touch
it. It will hurt to rest on a pillow.
>--You will likely experience sun stroke. By the end of the day you'll be
drinking your suntan lotion.
>--Dehydration is common. Seizures have been known to occur. Halucination
is difficult to diagnose however, as perceptions of even the very healthy
are confused and disoriented. Think of that scene in "Apocalypse Now."
>--You will be relentlessly exposed to secondary and even tertiary smoke.
>--Half way through the race it will seem like an eternity and you will wish
you were dead (if you believe you haven't already died and you are now in Hell).
>
>In the final analysis, just remember, you're trapped in the middle of a
drunken and unruley crowd of motor-head open-wheel racing fans on the
Memorial Day weekend in the Irish Hills of Michigan; you're as safe as a
baby in its mother's arms and as lucky as Hugh Hefner.
>
>Have a great time!
>
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