Hey, it's car related! Safety Fast, David Deutsch
You wrote:
> "Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
>
> "I love cats...they taste like chicken."
>
> "Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
>
> "Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
>
> "Happiness is a belt-fed weapon."
>
> "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
>
> "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."
>
> "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and
>yelling like the passengers in his car."
>
> "Montana....at least the cows are sane."
>
> "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
>
> I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a
> vegetarian."
>
> "Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."
>
> "Your kid may be an honor student, but you're still an IDIOT!"
>
> "It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
>
> "Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
>
> "Friends don't let friends drive naked."
>
> "Wink. I'll do the rest."
>
> "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
>
> "When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
>
> "Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
>
> "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of
meat?"
>
> "Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its
>students."
>
> "It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
>
> "Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
>
> "Forget about World Peace....visualize using your turn signal."
>
> "Warning! Dates in calendar are closer than they appear."
>
> "Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
>
> "We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
>
> "Make it idiot proof, and someone will make a better idiot."
>
> "He who laughs last thinks slowest."
>
> "Always remember you're unique....just like everyone else."
>
> "Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
>
> "Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
>
> "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
>
> "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be
>having fun."
>
> "Consciousness: That annoying time between naps."
>
> "We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be
assimilated."
>
> "Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
>
> "Three kinds of people; those who can count and those who can't."
>
> "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
>
> "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
>
>
>
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