High atop Garland Mountain in Green Manor, my unable bodied assistant, Bgor,b
ellowed, "It's Alive! It's Alive!" over the horrific thunder of
Picklestein's newly transplanted head, heart, and lungs that were screaming
mercilessly at 2500rpm.
It was on a cold December day that I first laid eyes upon the little
B. Oh sure, I had been sent pictures of the neglected and battered wafe that
was soon to follow me home(on the back of a U-haul tow dolly), but nothing
could have prepared me for the adventure and commitment that I was about to
undertake. With howling and frigid winds(pretend this didn't happen in
Florida and Georgia) stealing eternal life from my body, I was able to drag
the hulk home.
Life had not breathed through the little body in almost a year. A quick
glance found that his immune(braking) system had been totally destroyed by
something far more sinister than AIDS-NEGLECT. Another check found his
caloric intake device(carburetor) to be gummed up and full of varnish
instead of the elixir of life (gas). These obvious deficiencies were soon
taken care of (by mail-order of course) by Bgor and myself. It is thus with
great anticipation that we poured the elixir into our experiment. With a
great(12V DC) jolt of electricity our darling sneezed, gasped and finally
coughed itself from its comatose state. Although life's processes were
restored, it was evident that our patient's days were numbered!
A new facelift(paintjob),some intestinal (interior) sprucing up, and
vitamins
(preventive maintenance) were only stopgap measures. Oh sure, when he went
to school, the kids loved him and named him the "Pickle Car." And yes, even
though handicapped, he did manage to pass the big exam (GA SMOG TEST).
However the moment of truth soon arrived as he was down to two of four
lungs(cylinders), had a cracked head(in three places), and was expelling a
vile glycol/exhaust mixture upon me, his master.
With great sadness I removed Pickle's head and traded it in on another
from an unknown body of a donor B. Other vital internal parts were soon
delivered from across the country. His lungs were bored out and fitted with
new .030 alvioli. Arteries were unclogged and sweatglands were
backflushed. New joints(gaskets) were fitted. Over the last week, as Pickle
held on by a thread sustained only by heroic efforts, Bgor and myself spent
countless hours reassembling our new creation
After a final charging of the electrical apparatus(battery), we sent a
mega surge straight to the heart of the beast. Nothing happened-only the
hideous grunting (starter)of this narcoleptic being was evidenced. A quick
check of the nervous system found that indeed the neurons (spark plugs) were
firing. Also. evidence of breathing was witnessed. Blood(oil) pressure soon
followed. Still there was no life. Repeatedly, mega surges were sent as we
worked feverishly to bring life to where there was none. Indeed the elixir
of life was being pumped to Pickle's caloric intake device, yet Bgor begged
me to pour more in. I did.
With one final megajoul zap of electrons Picklestein was born!!!! The
primal scream of the awakened monster could be heard throughout the
neighborhood for the mandated 20 minutes. Of course when we looked under
Picklestein it was obvious what all of the noise was about. He was sitting
on a red hot cat(alytic converter)!!!!!!!
"And now you know the rest of the story-good day!"
Tom Green
1979 MGB(They can be brought back from the dead!)
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