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Stupid is as Stupid Does

To: mgs@Autox.Team.Net
Subject: Stupid is as Stupid Does
From: qualitas@juno.com (jack Feldman)
Date: Thu, 25 Dec 1997 05:13:39 -0600
Forrest seems smarter than me. I just messed up my new purchase.

I had always thought that I would have a complete run of MGs. I have a B
and a C so I thought I would get an A. After which I would get an MGD to
celebrate! The best laid plans, etc.

I was browsing through the car ads and came upon a rarity: a Healey that
I could almost afford if I risked the rath of the SO. It turns out that
it was at a car agency, but not titled to the agency so I wouldn't have
to pay a grotesque sales tax. My son and I went to check it out and it
looked good. I told them I would be back with an expert. The president of
the local Healy club was willing to go, but he would be going away for
the holidays. No doubt being as crazy as the rest of us, he said we could
go see it on the 24th, in the afternoon. Now to wait nervously for two
issues, would it be sold before we got back, and there was a heavy snow
storm predicted for that afternoon.He wan't feeling well, but he and his
son in law came anyway  Well, he approved and the deal was struck.
(Interesting that the major flow of fluids on the bottom didn't phase him
- "they are all like that", he said). 

I wanted to get the car home before the snow started because there were
no wipers on the car. The previous owner had taken it to a mechanic who
had personal problems and was know for selling parts off of customer's
cars.

Lou would drive my new friend and mentor and his son in law back to their
house while I made a run for home.

Before I left the agency I was reminded that the tank read 1/8th full and
I should get some gas.  As I left it had started to hail fine hailstones
that didn't impair my vision.
I din't find a gas station between the agency and the tollway, and with
the gauge on 1/8th I wasn't worried, there was a gas station at the oasis
a bit down the road. 

O.K., the car was running great. I got on the tollway, put in overdrive,
and off I went. Off that is until the car died and I couldn't get it
started. The pump was making mad clicking noises. By a stroke of luck my
son was behind me and stopped to give assistance. I found out that the
pump was telling me that I couldn't find any gas to pump. He said he
would take the folks home, get a gas can from them, and get back to me.
We would keep in touch by cell phone.

Time passed and it got cold in the car. The heater had been working,
although later I discovered that I had the flapper closed. The hail had
turned to light snow, then to heavy slush. I don't like to take my cars
out  in that kind of weather, but I figured it would take it one time. 

Meanwhile my son was working his way through slow traffic, filled the 
gas can, and was given the loan of a wiper arm and blade from mine host's
concourse class Mark III. 

Time passed, and I was getting cold. Every once in a while a snow plow
would come by and throw salty slush all over the car. I passed the time
by fixing the horn button and the choke lever (3000s have a lever under
the dash for the choke), and generally exploring the car. Boredom set in.
My son called to tell me he had dropped the folks off and was on his way
back, but he had to find an entrance to the north of me, and traffic was
getting slower. Meanwhile the Healy was being covered with snow. There
are no hazard warning lights, and I din't want to turn on the side maker
lights because I was afraid to run down the battery. I had to turn on the
ignition to get the turn signals to work, but that was accompanied by the
mad clicking of the fuel pump. 

I finally did what I should have done at first and called AAA. After a
half hour I checked again and AAA said the driver had looked for me, but
I wan't there! While we were going around on that one, my cell phone
began to beep indicating the battery was dying. AAA said I had to start
the clock all over again, and it would be an additional hour to get me. 

My son appeared, as if by a miracle (after all this was the night for
them), and we got 5 gallons of gas and the wiper arm and blade installed.
I happily turned on the wipers and )(*)*)*)%&%*^%*&, the III had a
radical re doing, and the windscreen must be bigger than the I. The wiper
would catch on top of the hood and stick. It was useless.

Off I went, opening the sliding side curtain from time to time and wiping
the windscreen with my bare hand. That worked, but din't do much for my
hand. I tried to get my glove on, but my hand was too cold and wet, so I
settled down to a freezing hand. At a slow place I got a chance to
partially dry my hand and get the glove partially on. That helped and
eventually I  got it all on.

BAD NEWS! large flakes began to fall and it obscured my vision as I tried
to clear them. I accidently went over the lane line a bit, and a will van
hit me on the left side. No big jolt, just a sinking feeling. Damage
seemed minimal, so I ignored it and went on. One of the plexiglass panels
of the side curtain came out of its track and I hauled it in. That left
only half a window in the otherwise drafty side curtains (they were one
of the things sold off by the mechanic, and the replacements were junk).
Every time a truck would go by, I got salty slush thrown through the half
open side curtain.

On I went, with my son driving behind me with his emergency flashers on.
He did a great job of anticipating my needed lane changes. My glove now
became soaked, but still worked.

The trip which would have taken 3/4 of an hour, even in the bad weather
took about 4 hours. When we got home  my hand was frozen from reaching
around and clearing the windscreen, and my left side was soaking with
salty water. The car did sustain minor damage, the bumper was pushed into
the left rear fender, and left a dent, and it  was closer to the car in
that spot than on the right side. I will crawl under it today to see if
the frame is bent. 

When we got home there was no dinner waiting because my wife said she
couldn't estimate when we would be home, and didn't want to spoil the
food by overcooking. The end of a depressing day instead of a joyful one.

Moral:  DON'T TRUST THOSE GAUGES, EVEN ON A CAR THAT SEEMS TO WORK
PERFECTLY!

It wouldn't have been an LBC if I didn't have all this trouble, but I
could have done without it if I hadn't been so stupid. What started out
as an adventure ended in disaster. 

Sorry for the long post, but it did have a cathartic effect.

Jack

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