DETROIT -- With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the
domestic market down 11 percent since 1993, General Motors unveiled a
new instant-win airbag contest Monday.
The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent,
high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come
standard in all of the company's 1999 cars.
"Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM
vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to
boost 1999 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win
Airbag Game, your next near-fatal collision could mean a trip for two to
Super Bowl XXXII. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."
Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 1999, the
airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback
overwhelmingly positive.
"As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to
myself, 'Oh, boy, this could be it--I could be a big winner!'" said
Cincinnati's Martin Frelks, who lost his wife but won $50 Sunday when
the Buick LeSabre they were driving hit an oil slick at 60 mph and
slammed into an oncoming truck. "When the car stopped rolling down the
embankment, I knew Ellen was dead, but all I could think about was
getting the blood and glass out of my eyes so I could read what I won on
that airbag!"
"It's really addictive," said Sacramento, CA, resident Marjorie
Kamp, speaking from her hospital bed, where she is listed in critical
condition with severe brain hemorrhaging and a punctured right lung.
"I've already crashed four cars trying to win those Super Bowl tickets,
but I still haven't won. I swear, I'm going to win those tickets--even
if it kills me!" Kamp said that as soon as she is well enough, she
plans to buy a new Pontiac Bonneville and drive it into a tree.
GM officials are not surprised the airbag contest has been so
well received. "In the past, nobody really liked car wrecks, and that's
understandable. After all, they're scary and dangerous and, sometimes,
even fatal," GM CEO Paul Offerman said. "But now, when you drive a new
GM car or truck, your next serious crash could mean serious cash. Who
wouldn't like that?" Offerman added that in the event a motorist wins a
prize but is killed, that prize will be awarded to the next of kin.
According to GM's official contest rules, odds of winning the
grand prize, a brand-new 1999 Oldsmobile Bravara, are 1 in 43,000,000.
Statistical experts, however, say the real chances of winning are
significantly worse.
"If you factor in the odds of getting in a serious car accident
in the first place (approximately 1 in 720,000) the actual odds of
winning a prize each time you step in your car are more like 1 in 31
trillion." Further, even if one is in an accident, there is no guarantee
the airbag will inflate.
"I was recently broadsided by a drunk driver in my new Chevy
Cavalier," said Erie, PA, resident Jerry Polaner. "My car was totaled,
and because it was the side of my car that got hit, my airbag didn't
even inflate. But what really gets me is the fact that the drunk driver,
who rammed my side with the front of his 1998 Buick Regal, won a $100
Office Depot gift certificate. That's just wrong."
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