Before anybody e-mails back the following is a JOKE.
Rick
NEW VIRUS WARNING
If you receive an e-mail with a subject line of "Badtimes,"
delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most
dangerous Email virus yet.
It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it
will scramble any disks that are even close to your
computer.
It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting
so all your ice cream melts and the milk curdles.
It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,
reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on
your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any
CDs you try to play.
It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone
number.
It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank.
It will drink all your beer and leave its dirty socks on
the coffee table when there's company coming over.
It will hide your car keys when you are late for work
and interfere with your car radio so that you hear only
static while stuck in traffic.
Badtimes will make you fall in love with a hardened
pedophile.
It will give you nightmares about circus midgets.
It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with
Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend
behind your back and billing the hotel rendezvous to your
Visa card.
It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if
she is dead, such is the power of Badtimes, it reaches
out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most
dear.
Badtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease.
It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer
plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.
It will remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses
and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole.
It is insidious and subtle.
It is dangerous and terrifying to behold.
It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.
These are just a few signs.
Be very, very afraid.
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