mgs
[Top] [All Lists]

not as off-topic as it seems

To: "MG list (E-mail)" <mgs@autox.team.net>
Subject: not as off-topic as it seems
From: "Garner, Joseph P." <JPGarner@UCDavis.Edu>
Date: Fri, 2 Jun 2000 11:34:09 -0700
Okay big prizes to the first person to modify their engine to work like
this...

;-)

Joe. 

___________________________

Dr. Joseph Garner
University of California
Department of Animal Science
One Shields Avenue
Davis
CA 95616
USA

Phone: (530) 754 5291
 
     
> A British science magazine held a competition, inviting its readers to 
> submit
> new scientific theories on ANY subject. Below is the winner: 
>
> (Subject: Perpetual Motion)
>
> "When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is 
> dropped, it always lands buttered side down. Therefore, if a slice of 
> toast is strapped to a cat's back, buttered side up, and the animal is 
> then dropped, the two opposing forces will cause it to hover, spinning 
> inches above the ground. If enough toast-laden felines were used, they 
> could form the basis of a high-speed monorail system."
>
> ........and then this mail got this reply from one of the 
> recipients:
>
> "I've been thinking about this cat/toast business for a while. In the
> buttered toast case, it's the butter that causes it to land buttered side 
> down - it doesn't have to be toast, the theory works equally well with
> Jacob's crackers. So to save money you just miss out the toast - and
> butter the cats. Also, should there be an imbalance between the effects 
> of cat and butter, there are other substances that have a stronger
> affinity for carpet.
>
> Probability of carpet impact is determined by the following simple 
> formula:
>
> p = s * t(t)/tc
>
> where p is the probability of carpet impact 
>
> s is the "stain" value of the toast-covering substance - an indicator of 
> the effectiveness of the toast topping in permanently staining the
> carpet.
> Chicken Tikka Masala, for example, has a very high s value, while the s 
> value of water is zero.
>
> tc and t(t) indicate the tone of the carpet and topping - the value of p 
> being strongly related to the relationship between the colour of the
> carpet and topping, as even chicken tikka Masala won't cause a permanent 
> and obvious stain if the carpet is the same colour.
>
> So it is obvious that the probability of carpet impact is maximised if you

> use chicken tikka Masala and a white carpet - in fact this combination
> gives a p value of one, which is the same as the probability of a cat 
> landing on its feet.
>
> Therefore a cat with chicken tikka Masala on its back will be certain to
> hover in mid air, while there could be problems with buttered toast as the

> toast may fall off the cat, causing a terrible monorail crash resulting in

> nauseating images of members of the royal family visiting accident victims

> in hospital, and politicians saying it wouldn't have happened if their
> party was in power as there would have been more investment in cat-toast 
> glue research.
>
> Therefore it is in the interests not only of public safety but also public

> sanity if the buttered toast on cats idea is scrapped, to be replaced by a

> monorail powered by cats smeared with chicken tikka Masala floating above 
> a rail made from white shag pile carpet.
>

<Prev in Thread] Current Thread [Next in Thread>
  • not as off-topic as it seems, Garner, Joseph P. <=