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Signs in England(low LBC content)

To: spridgets@Autox.Team.Net
Subject: Signs in England(low LBC content)
From: Jason Urban <jurban@p3.net>
Date: Thu, 03 Dec 1998 08:23:42 -0500
Reply-to: Jason Urban <jurban@p3.net>
Sender: owner-spridgets@Autox.Team.Net
Could these be real??

Genuine signs seen in England.

1.  Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE
LIGHT GOES OUT

2.  Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

3.  In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK
OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

4.  Outside a farm:
HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF

5.  In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON
THE DRAINING BOARD

6.  On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS
KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)

7.  English sign in a German cafe:
MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING

8.  Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING
YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

9.  Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of
Wales:
THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING
OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.

10.  Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO

11.  Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

12.  Outside a disco:
SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME

13.  Sign warning of quicksand:
QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF
THE DISTRICT COUNCIL

14.  Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish:
DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK
ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP
THEM IN ORDER

15.  Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE
DISPOSED OF

16.  Sign on motorway garage:
PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH
MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS

17.  Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

18.  Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

19.  Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL
CHARGES

20.  Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

21.  Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL
DOESN'T WORK)

22.  Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

23.  Sign in a Japanese hotel:
SPORTS JACKETS MAY BE WORN BUT NO TROUSERS

24.  Sign in Egyptian hotel:
IF YOU REQUIRE ROOM SERVICE, PLEASE OPEN DOOR AND SHOUT, "ROOM SERVICE!"

LBC Content - the weather in the East is going to be great for top down
Spridget drives this weekend.  Get out and drive in December!!!


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