Hooray for the real NCO's. I've known some of them. They are genuine
winners!
Paul
PAsgeirsson@juno.com
On Mon, 20 Dec 1999 20:13:34 -0600 richard.arnold@juno.com writes:
>Murphy's Laws of Combat
>
>1. A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
>2. The enemy diversion you are ignoring is the main attack.
>3. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
>4. Recoilless rifles - aren't.
>5. Suppressive fire - won't.
>6. Perfect plans - aren't.
>7. Friendly fire - isn't.
>8. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming
>friendly fire.
>9. Incoming fire has the right of way.
>10. Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
>11. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
>12. When you are short of everything except the enemy, you are in
>combat.
>13. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
>14. Avoid being conspicuous - it draws fire (Corollary: If you must
>be conspicuous, try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be
>low on ammo.).
>15. Avoid looking suspicious - it draws fire.
>16. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
>17. You are not Superman, Audie Murphy, Segeant York, John Wayne or
>Rambo.
>18. Anything you do can get you shot - including doing nothing.
>19. Tracers work both ways.
>20. If you can't remember... the Claymore is pointed at you.
>21. Professionals are predictable, but the world is full of dangerous
>amateurs.
>22. Fortify your front, and you'll get your rear shot up.
>23. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
>24. Communications will fail the moment you desperately need fire
>support.
>25. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
>26. Remember, your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
>27. Sniper Motto: Reach out and touch someone.
>28. All five-second grenade fuses will burn down in three seconds.
>29. If the attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
>30. The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
>31. Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
>32. No plan survives the first contact intact.
>33. There is such thing as the perfect plan.
>34. It's not the round with your name on it you have to worry about,
>it's the one addressed "To Whom It May Concern."
>35. If you are forward of your position, the artillery will fall
>short.
>36. The easy way is always mined.
>37. The important things are always simple.
>38. The simple things are always hard.
>39. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
>40. No inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.
>41. Teamwork is essential. It gives the enemy other people to shoot
>at.
>42. When both sides are convinced they are about to lose - they're
>both right.
>43. All-weather close support doesn't work in bad weather.
>44. The bursting radius of a grenade is always one foot greater than
>your jumping range.
>45. The only terrain that is truly controlled is the terrain upon
>which you're standing.
>46. The law of the bayonet says the man with the bullet wins.
>47. REMF are everywhere.
>48. The best tank killer is another tank. Therefore, tanks are
>always fighting each other -- and have no time to help the infantry.
>49. Precision bombing is normally accurate within plus/minus one
>mile.
>50. Cluster bombing from B-52s and C-130s is very, very accurate.
>The bombs always hit the ground.
>51. The side with the fanciest uniforms loses.
>52. After we pull the pin, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
>53. Things that must be together to work usually can't be shipped
>together.
>54. Make it tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
>55. The light at the end of the tunnel is a muzzle flash.
>56. Murphy was a soldier.
>
>*****
>REAL NCO's:
>
>1. Can cuss for ten minutes without ever repeating a word.
>2. Have a spine.
>3. Can play a cherry Lieutenant like a finely tuned instrument.
>4. Can see in the dark.
>5. Have eyes in the back of their heads.
>6. Still don't trust the Russians.
>7. Still hate the French.
>8. Don't know how to be politically correct.
>9. Don't give a damn about being politically correct.
>10. Think that "politically correct" should fall under "sodomy" in
>the UCMJ.
>11. Love deployments because there is less paperwork and more "real
>work."
>12. Can run 5 miles with a hangover.
>13. Do not fear women in the military.
>14. Would like to date G. I. Jane.
>15. Still know how to use a buffer.
>16. Can tell you anything you want to know about an M1911A1 although
>they are no longer in the inventory.
>17. Believe that they do have a rendezvous with destiny.
>18. Believe that "Nuts" wasn't all that Brigadier General McAuliffe
>said to the Germans at Bastogne.
>19. Don't know how to use a "stress card".
>20. Idolize John Wayne.
>21. Don't believe that AAFES really needs a "commander".
>22. Would have paid money to see Custer getting his clock cleaned.
>23. Really don't like taking shit from those who haven't "been
>there".
>24. Know how to properly construct a field latrine.
>25. Know how to do a daisy chain.
>26. Knows that a daisy chain is not a sex act.
>27. Might admire the Germans, but still realize they got their asses
>kicked.
>28. Aren't afraid of the Chinese, who probably don't have enough
>rowboats to invade Taiwan.
>29. Would rather be OPFOR than MOPP 4.
>30. Don't believe a damn thing the Iraqis say.
>31. Don't need a GPS to find themselves.
>32. Have enough BDU's in their closet to start a surplus store.
>33. Think that MRE's taste good. (with a little hot sauce).
>34. Are convinced that "wall-to-wall" counseling really works.
>35. Have more time on the frontline than most others have in the
>chow line.
>36. Know how to make coffee when the measuring scoop goes missing.
>37. Know that it's not good coffee when you can see through it.
>38. Don't blame poor marksmanship on their M-16.
>39. Know that inept leaders will always say they have inept soldiers.
>Why pay more to get Web access? Try Juno for FREE -- then it's just
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