BlankI'm sorry but I know how much everyone on this list loves cats.
A story ....
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate =
my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one particular =
occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied anyway because the truth was =
too humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury =
and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could =
think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown.
The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to, =
adopt a cute little kitty. Initially the new acquisition was no problem, =
but one morning I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my =
wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Ed! The garbage disposal =
is dead. Come reset it." "You know where the button is." I protested =
through the shower (pitter-patter). "Reset it yourself!" "I am scared!" =
She pleaded. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" (Pause) "C'mon, =
it'll only take a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, =
hoping to make a statement about how her cowardly behaviour was not =
without consequence. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to =
find the button.
That was the last voluntary action I remember performing. I was struck =
without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a =
hexed disposal drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new =
kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my =
legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the =
bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she =
leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her =
needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily =
movements, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed, with the =
full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals =
are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this =
predicament, choose only the "flight" option. Fleeing straight up, the =
sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out =
cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics were standing over me. Having =
been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to =
conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter.
At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept =
silent claiming it was too painful to talk. "What's the matter, cat got =
your tongue?"
Oh, if they had only known the whole story!
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