Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at
night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass
onto the bar, turns to the second mouse, and says, "When I see a
mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar
comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work
up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."
The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one
after the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first
mouse and replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as
I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee
each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The
third mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long
sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit.
Gotta go home and have sex with the cat."
Words of Wisdom
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns
gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her
some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass
back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a
gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount
into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to
her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more.
Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last
drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom
before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her
face and said, "Don't sell that cow."
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