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NO LBC Southernisms

To: spridgets@autox.team.net, midgetsprite@yahoogroups.com
Subject: NO LBC Southernisms
Date: Wed, 17 Sep 2003 12:11:59 -0400
I thought our list member moving to Austin might want to study these in advance.


SOUTHERNISMS 
"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit." 
"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 
"Have a cup of coffee--it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'" 
"She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm." 
"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs." 
"My cow died last night, so I don't need your bull." 
"He's as country as cornflakes." 
"This is gooder'n grits." 
"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it." 
"I'm 'bout as........" 
* "Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." 
* "Busy as a moth in a mitten." 
* "Happy as a clam at high tide." 
Notice to Northerners moving to the South: 
* Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to 
use it shortly 
* Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners 
can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. 
* If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the 
cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be 
along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is 
what they live for. 
* You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know 
the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to 
find it yourself. 
* Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is 
plural possessive. 
* Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?" 
* Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't 
understand you either. 
* The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted 
Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big ol truck", or 
"big ol boy". "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") is 2nd, and 
"Y'all" is 3rd 
* As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone 
directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to 
drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for 
that vehicle. 
* If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", get out 
of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse 
still, that you will ever hear. 
* Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. 
In fact if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license 
plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was 
purchased. 
* If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let 
alone eating. 
* If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most 
minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local 
grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is 
just something you're supposed to do. 
* Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase 
one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, 
bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and 
should, therefore, be prominently displayed. 
One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: 
* Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid 
defense. 
Robert Houston
Transervicios S.A. de C.V.
915-592-2082





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