umm... like this...
Lester
Subject: Propulsion Theory
"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only
trying to retrieve the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told bemused
doctors in
the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski,
and his
homosexual partner Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for
emergency
treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.
"I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our
gerbil,
in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out "Armageddon", my
cue that
he'd had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn't come out
again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the
light
might attract him."
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what
happened next.
"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out
the
tube, igniting Mr Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his
face. It
also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers which in turn
ignited a
larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the
rodent out
like a cannonball."
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the
impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second
degree burns
to his anus and lower intestinal tract.
(Los Angles Times) ----------
Sent: Tuesday, August 13, 1996 4:07 PM
O.K., here's the top ten things that scared me the most in reading
this
story.
10) "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum . . ." Ouch!!!
9) "So I peered into the tube . . ." Aaaaaahhhhhhh. I'm sorry, but
that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather use
binoculars to stare at the sun.
8) That poor gerbil (who obviously suffers from low self esteem)
being
shot out of the guy's ass like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on Rocky &
Bullwinkle.
7) Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of
someone's ass. I'm just guessing, but I seriously doubt said gerbil
was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel of
love."
6) People walking around with these volcanic-like pockets of gas
in their rectums.
5) People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they were
doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would
have made up a story about a gang of roving, pyromaniac, anal sex
fiends breaking into my house and sodomizing me with a charcoal
lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I
just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well doc, it's
like this. See we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took this
cardboard tube . . ."
4) "First and second degree burns to the anus". Wouldn't this
make the burning itch and discomfort of hemmoroids a welcome relief?
How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like this? And
the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible
scents on the face of God's green earth.
3) People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian word for
"Idiotic white men who insert rodents up their butts."
2) What kind of a hospital would hold a press conference on this?
1) This happened in Salt Lake City. What kind of people are
those Mormons? I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond
family.
On Jul 16, 2006, at 8:37 PM, Jim Johnson wrote:
> On 7/16/06, Brad Fornal <tequila.brad@gmail.com> wrote:
>> I heard a story about a guy in California that blew a mouse
>
> Ummmm When you say, "he blew a mouse....."
>
> Cheers!!
> Jim - 68 Midget in Dodge City
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