Some of the ways to love your baby....
Give your baby a coat of real wax instead of that "miracle" stuff which
claims to resist everything from the power of God to dinosaur droppings.
When it's been naughty, avoid the temptation to show it a picture of a car
crusher.
Buy it the right battery bracket instead of the strange hold-down you made
out of a C-clamp and an old brake pad.
Put in a new CD player. Make sure all of the discs are on the "London"
label.
Spend some quality time with your baby. This is more than the manufacturer
did.
Stop making jokes about its electrical system.
Remember that K-Mart isn't the only place to buy accessories.
Instead of having it towed the next time it breaks down, treat your baby to a
ride on a flatbed.
Stop making jokes about its hydraulic systems.
Brag about its reliability to your friends. If they buy it, offer them that
land you have in Mexico.
Buy your baby a "This Car Climbed Mt. Washington" bumper sticker. Even though
it isn't true.
Stop making jokes about its cooling system.
Enter your baby in a race. Make sure the competitors are from manufacturers
like Tonka, Mattel, and Hasbro.
Give it a new dash plaque with engraved telephone numbers for AAA, The
Roadster Factory, and your mechanic.
Stop making jokes about its leaky top.
Take your baby out for a night on the town. Be sure to bring flares, jumper
cables, spare engine, etc.
Let your baby flex its muscles. Run the engine over 3,000 RPM. If you dare
and if it will.
Get it some new vanity plates. Ideas: NO RUN, NO STOP, HELPME, FIX ME,
JUNQUE.
Teach your baby that a stuck automatic choke is not Britain's answer to a
cruise control.
Make sure your baby understands that it is the most important part of your
life. Career, wife, kids, etc. are secondary.
Jim Finn
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