An Advice Column For British Car Lovers
Dear BL Cars,
The former Triumph dealer here in Moneyville claims you never paid him
for warranty work. I gather it was a considerable sum of money. He says you
acted as though he didn't exist. How could this be?
Curious
Dear Curious,
We have no record of a Triumph dealer in Moneyville.
Dear BL Cars,
Enclosed, please find, is an old part from my Spitfire 1500. Could you
help me find a replacement for it?
Hopeful
Dear Hopeful,
We are sorry to inform you that the supplies of this part are currently
exhausted. We suggest you contact a sheet metal shop. By the way, this part
is called a body shell.
Dear BL Cars,
Is it true that you are going to start making MGs again?
Waiting
Dear Waiting,
Yes, it's true! Soon we will begin shipping them to the USA.
Interestingly enough, it is designed especially for your market. Body by
Gorton's of Gloucester, interior by Frederick's of Hollywood, and a sound
system by Marconi are featured. As soon as the engine manufacturer solves a
starter problem you'll see them at your dealer. Briggs and Stratton assures
us it is just a matter of days.
Dear BL Cars,
My mechanic tells me to drain the oil from the 5 speed gearbox on my
TR-8 and replace it with automatic transmission fluid. Why?
Notchy
Dear Notchy,
We tried all sorts of stuff to make this thing shift better. The best
we came up with was whale oil - but it is hard to find. And then there was
the problem with whale lovers. ATF is the next best thing.
Dear BL Cars,
I've read your column for years but never dreamed I would ever have to
write to you. My boyfriend is a wonderful guy! Generous, handsome, wealthy,
faithful, etc. I'm a little plain and overweight and a bit of a tart, too.
He doesn't mind at all. He drives a Mercedes 560 SEL and has offered to buy
one for me. The problem? Occasionally he pokes a little fun at my rusty MG.
It really irritates me to no end. I'm thinking about leaving him. What
should I do?
Lydia
L'Amour
Dear Miss L'Amour,
He sounds cruel and mean-spirited. He may be a latent Communist. Or
worse. Dump this turkey.
Dear BL Cars,
Year ago you ran a column which featured The British Car Owner's Prayer.
It has helped me through many troubled times in my life. It finally fell
apart in my wallet. Could you re-print it?
Faithful
Dear Faithful,
Of course.
Though I walk through the valley of junkyards
with names like Jack's Salvage and Quido's Wrecking
and tread upon used car lots
called Honest Sam's and Bill's Auto
I will remain faithful to thee, my British motorcar
Even as I lament the crushed bumpers from failed brakes
the iron powder that was once a gearbox
and the sheets of rust known previously as fenders
I will remain faithful to thee, my British motorcar
So I beg thee to start and take me away
from this breakdown lane at 2 AM
your water pump I promise to fix so
I will remain faithful to thee, my British motorcar
Amen
Dear BL Cars,
I recently ordered a front wheel bearing for my Triumph. What I got was
an oversize knob for the radio. Turns out the part numbers are the same.
Help!
Confused
Dear Confused,
The part NUMBERS are the same because the PARTS are now the same. The
new part, we admit, does look somewhat different than the old ones. But with
slight modifications to the front axle, or the radio, it will serve either
application. Refer to BL Cars Service Bulletin 74/687 entitled "Making Parts
Fit."
Jim Finn
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