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Friday Funny: Outsourcing

To: healeys@autox.team.net
Subject: Friday Funny: Outsourcing
From: m.brouillette@comcast.net
Date: Tue, 29 Aug 2006 19:47:10 +0000
 Subject:  US Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency
 
Washington, DC (AP) -- Congress today announced that the office of President
 of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of September
 1, 2006. The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000
 yearly salary, and also a record $521 trillion in deficit expenditures and
 related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years.
 
  
 
 "We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be
 significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot expect
 to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash
 outlay," Reynolds noted.
 
  
 
 Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination.
 Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time. Gurvinder
 Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of
 President as of September 1, 2006.
 
  
 
 Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were
 vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He
 will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or
 other benefits. It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job
 responsibilities without a support staff.  Due to the time difference
 between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when few
 offices of the US Government will be open.
 
  
 
 "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call
 center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about
 this position. I always hoped I would be President."
 
  
 
 A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully
 aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not
 be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr.
 Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond
 effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can
 address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues
 at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.
 "President Bush has used them successfully for years."
 
  
 
 Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day
 of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for
 $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible
 for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
 
  
 
 Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to
 help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition.
 According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new
 position due to limited practical or successful work experience. A Greeter
 position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience
 shaking hands, as well as his goofy smile.




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