We realize that your MG problems of late have been stressful and problematic,
but please, you must still take your thorazine as prescribed!!!
From: firstname.lastname@example.org On Behalf Of Adrian Jones
Sent: Monday, September 01, 1997 10:19 AM
Subject: Can't get over 3000 rpm
Here is the latest in the true-life soap opera, "The Old and the Beautifu=
For viewers who havn't been riveted to this show for the last 4 months,
here's some background.
Binky, a blonde (actually white) MG Midget bombshell, has been down on he=
luck. Coming home from partying all night in the big city, she suddenly =
finds that she can't go over 3500 rpm any more. Although, this roughly
equates to the speed limit in these parts, it is not good enough for Bink=
normally a "fast lady". Looking around for someone to blame, she turns o=
her long time boyfriend, " An Artist, Formerly Known as S.U. Fuel Pump", =
"SU" as he is sometimes called. After all, SU is old-fashioned, British,=
relies on contact breakers and is quite expensive. Not only that but if
you take the letters SU and remove them from LUCAS you are left with CLA =
Charlie's Lunatic Asylum (more on that later).
Looking through the single ads, she comes across a younger man. His is
called "Tech", or, when people meet him, "Hi Tech". Tech is all
electronic, cheap and readily available. Anyway, poor SU is dumped along=
the wayside and Tech becomes her main squeeze. However, things do not
improve and, after blaming all sorts of other people and after massive
blood letting, she starts to suspect "Tech" as the reason for her
While he is not looking, she hooks a gauge up to the fuel line. "Let's s=
what you got, Big Boy" she shouts and turns the ignition on. The gauge
reads a steady 3 psi. This is not much but good enough for Binky. Besid=
that was all SU could muster. Well, she turns the ignition off and, Shoc=
Horror! - Tech could not keep the pressure up! Right down to zero.
She now turns to her Godfather - the unfortunate soul who has been tryin=
to help her all these long years. Well, he is no use to anyone these day=
and , if you want to know the truth, he has been taken, foaming at the
mouth and muttering incoherent oaths, to Charlie's Lunatic Asylum.
Binky has a brain wave. Double date! She'll hook up a switch under the
dash. When she gets sick of Tech babbling on, she will just flip the
switch to connect up to good ole SU, "Hi Hon Hi Hon Hi Hon Hi Hon"
First, she must know if SU, the old fool, still loves her. So she
disconnects Tech and re-installs SU, her old flame (whoa, best not use
that phrase!) With the ignition on, SU delivers 3 psi, with that
reassuring "Hi Hon Hi Hon Hi Hon" in the background. Now for the test, s=
says. Off goes the ignition and, lo and behold, SU maintains the pressur=
What a guy!!!!
"Let's go for a drive in the country", she says. Off they go down the
road. Regular listeners will know what happens next. Binky can't go ove=
3000 rpm. Binky says nothing. No cuss words, no screaming, no beating o=
the dash. Nothing. She goes back to the house and parks in the garage. =
The ignition is slowly and thoughtfully turned off. There is an incredib=
silence. In the distance a dog can be heard barking. People are afraid.=
Tune in next time for the conclusion (hopefully) to "The Old and the