[Top] [All Lists]

Re: Electrical Theory

Subject: Re: Electrical Theory
Date: Sat, 8 May 1999 07:45:30 EDT
The nature of what we refer to as “electricity” has been discussed and 
disputed for at least 200 years. An elaborate theory based on electrons has 
been built up over these years, but all this scientific mumbo-jumbo has been 
rendered obsolete by a recent discovery.
A sheet of paper crossed my desk the other day, and as I read it, the 
realization of a basic truth came over me. So simple! So obvious, that we 
missed it all along. Electricity is SMOKE!
John Knivien, chairman of the Palomar Repeater Club (an amateur radio group), 
has discovered how electrical circuits work. He says that smoke is the thing 
that makes electrical circuits work, and he knows this to be true because 
every time he lets smoke out of an electrical circuit, it stops working. He 
claims to have verified this theory by thorough testing.
I was flabbergasted. Of course! Smoke makes all things electrical work. 
Remember the last time smoke escaped from your Lucas voltage regulator? 
Didn’t it quit working? I sat and smiled like an idiot as more of the truth 
dawned. It’s the wiring harness that carries the smoke from one electrical 
device to another in your MG — and when the harness springs a leak it lets 
smoke out of everything at once, and then nothing works. The starter motor 
requires large quantities of smoke to operate properly, and that’s why the 
wire going to it is so large.
Feeling very smug I continued to expand my hypothesis. Why are Lucas 
electricals more likely to break down than Bosch? Hmmmmm? Aha! Lucas is 
British, and all things British leak. British convertible tops leak water; 
British engines leak oil; British brake units leak fluid; British tyres leak 
air, and British security leaks secrets. So — naturally, British electrics 
leak smoke!

<Prev in Thread] Current Thread [Next in Thread>