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If Men Truly Ruled the World

To: "Thickos" <team-thicko@autox.team.net>
Subject: If Men Truly Ruled the World
From: "Irv Korey" <emanteno@attglobal.net>
Date: Sat, 15 Jan 2000 09:10:37 -0600
> If Men Truly Ran The World
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
>
> 1. Breaking up would be a lot easier.  A smack to the ass and a "Nice
> hustle, you'll get 'em next time," would pretty much do it.
>
> 2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
>
> 3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
> occur in leap years.
>
> 4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go
> drinking.  Mother's Day, too.
>
> 5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.  But it
> would be celebrated every month.
>
> 6. Garbage would take itself out.
>
> 7. Regis and Kathy Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off
> the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world
> history.
>
> 8. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night
> Football from a Different Camera Angle."
>
> 9. Instead of "beer-belly," you'd get "beer-biceps."
>
> 10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
>
> 11. Two words... "Ally McNaked."
>
> 12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded
> with would actually reduce your fine.  As in: Cop: "You know how fast
> you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the
> place." Cop :"Nice one, That's $10.00 off."
>
> 13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
>
> 14. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again.
>
> 15. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
>
> 16. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
>
> 17. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat
> the losers.
>
> 18. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you
> returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
>
> 19. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present
> your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!"
>
> 20. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
> she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a
time-out.
>
> 21. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable
> response to "I love you"
>
> 22. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
>
> 23. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night," would be an
> acceptable excuse for tardiness.
>
> 24. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump
> out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right
into
> your car, like Fred Flintstone.
>
> 25. Hallmark would make, "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.





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