Subject: Technical support
To whom it may concern in Technical Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the
new program began making
unexpected changes to the accounting software; severely limiting access to
wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as:
Dinner Dancing 7.5, Cruise Ship 2.3, and Opera Night 6.1 and installs new,
undesirable programs such as Poker Night 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf
2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under
no circumstances will it run Diaper Changing 14.1 or House Cleaning 2.6.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3, to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose
utility is of limited effectiveness.
Can you help, please!!!!????
Signed,
Jane
Dear Jane:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to
a primary misconception. Many
people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend
5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT
package.
However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator
to run as few applications as
possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0,
because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files
within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so
nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once
per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are
common and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of
their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work,
some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However,
these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You will notice
that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with Heart Break 1.3.
I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange
and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the
entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a
wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company
as an integral part of the operating system. Husband 1.0 must assume ALL
responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause.
To activate this great feature enter the command: "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED
ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the
command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and
Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP!
Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more
serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\ I APOLOGIZE command
before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create Fat Belly
files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save
yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system
will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine
feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0
ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and
cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally
recommend: Hot Food 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in
conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running
smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and
you will find many valuable embedded features such as: FixBrokenThings 2.1,
Snuggling 4.2 and Best Friend 7.6.
A final word of caution!
Do NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-in-Law 1.0. This is not a
supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating
system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until
Mother-in-Law 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband
1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.
We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Technical Support
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