Ok I do think these things are funny. But I have to say that in 35 years of
Alpine ownership (and now Tiger ownership), I've never had any electric
problems that I didn't cause by adding gauges and radio - except for one
alternator went bad in 1980 when driving back from Disneyland with my sister
(though it was a mechanical failure that I fixed on the side of the road).
I've heard that it wasn't Lucas, but the quality of the parts that the
companies could afford. Lucas had better stuff, and would supply it per
order. So maybe Rootes paid more than BMC did for its cars (at least in my
experience).
But, I still enjoy these jokes.
On Oct 17, 2014, at 6:27 PM, Clyde McLaughlin wrote:
> From: rfolia@comcast.net [mailto:rfolia@comcast.net]
> Sent: Friday, October 17, 2014 3:49 PM
> Subject: Fwd: ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> _____
>
> From: "Pinnegar, Mike" <mpracin@yahoo.com>
> To: "Pinnegar, Mike" <mpracin@yahoo.com>
> Sent: Wednesday, May 21, 2014 2:06:36 PM
> Subject: ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS]
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> _____
>
> It is a few years since I have seen this, but the logic is
> inescapable.---particularly if you have owned an English car.
>
>
>
> ELECTRICAL THEORY BY JOSEPH LUCAS
>
>
>
> Positive ground depends on proper circuit functioning, which is the
> transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral
> manifestation known as b smokeb .
> Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be
> true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit, it
> stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
>
> For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
> prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly ceases
to
> function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an electrical
> component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be observed that
the
> component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!
>
> The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device
to
> another. When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the
> system, nothing works afterward.
>
> Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
> time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring
very
> unsightly large wires.
> It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone
> to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American counterparts.
> Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all things
> British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic
> forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and British
> Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
>
> Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke. Once
> again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
>
> In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the
> form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of electrical
> components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas, Ltd.
>
> And remember: b A gentleman does not motor about after dark.b
>
> Joseph Lucas b The Prince of Darknessb
> 1842-1903
>
> A few Lucas quips:
>
> The Lucas motto: b Get home before dark.b
>
> Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
>
> Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
>
> Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
>
> The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch
> settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
>
> The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
>
> If Lucas made guns, wars would not start
>
> Back in the b70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
> manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which
did
> not suck.
>
> Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
>
> A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
> _______________________________________________
>
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