Just thought a few of you would like these.
Gary Bouffard
A young woman was bored with driving her BMW. It lacked individuality
and besides that, every other girl in the office had one. She fancied
something a bit more individual, perhaps an MG convertible.
That week she visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful
Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored and she fell in
love with its gorgeous red paint work. An empty check stub later and
off she was tearing down the leafy country lanes enjoying her beautiful
new car. Her long hair was flowing in the wind, music blaring from the
radio, what could possibly go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine and the car slowly
coasted to a stop. She got out and lifted the bonnet and concluded after
a few minutes that she didn't have a bloody clue what was wrong. Luckily
she had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call to the AutoClub
and a short wait saw a bright shiny yellow van pull up behind her.
"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What seems to be the matter?
She replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes later the engine was
purring like a cat again.
"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"
"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.
Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a week do I have to do
that?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach
alone for his corporation.
After a few days he was enjoying himself so much that he decided
to stay another week as part of his vacation.
Wanting to share this newly discovered paradise, he wired his
bachelor friend: "Take the next plane for a fun week on me. Bring
my wife and your mistress."
His friend was quick to wire back: "Your wife and I arriving
tomorrow 11:30 a.m. How long have you known about us?"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up
and took a blanket to the couch.
The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her
husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop
where he usually played golf. She talked with the pro and he suggested a
putter and he showed her one of his finest.
"How much is it?" she asked.
"One hundred and fifty dollars," he replied.
She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so.
"But it comes with an inscription," he said.
"What kind of inscription?" she asked.
"Whatever you wish," he explained, "but one of the old golfers favorites
is,
NEVER UP, NEVER IN.'"
"OH, that will never do!" exclaimed the wife. "That's what started the
argument in the first place!"
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