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Fw: Lucas jokes for a happy New Year

To: "Triumphs" <Triumphs@Autox.Team.Net>,
Subject: Fw: Lucas jokes for a happy New Year
From: "FRED E THOMAS" <frede.thomas2@verizon.net>
Date: Mon, 3 Jan 2005 14:52:34 -0500
 Thanks Susan K.
> ====================================================================
>>    * The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
>>
>>    * "And the Lord said 'let there be light'...Joseph Lucas replied 'no
>> way, Lord, no way'."
>>
>>    * Lucas denies having invented darkness. But they still claim
>> "sudden, unexpected darkness".
>>
>>    * Lucas--inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
>>
>>    * Lucas--inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
>>
>>    * The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other
>> three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
>>
>>    * The original anti-theft devices--Lucas Electric products.
>>
>>    * "I've had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never experienced
>> any prob..."
>>
>>    * If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
>>
>>    * Did you hear about the Lucas powered torpedo? It sank.
>>
>>    * It's not true that Lucas, in 1947, tried to get Parliament to
>> repeal Ohm's Law. They withdrew their efforts when they met too much
>> resistance.
>>
>>    * Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover
>> and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night,
>> since they all look the same?" "He replied, it doesn't matter which one
>> you use, nothing happens!"
>>
>>    * Back in the '70s Lucas decided to diversify its product line and
>> began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they
>> offered which didn't suck.
>>
>>    * Quality Assurance phoned and advised the Engineering guy that they
>> had trouble with his design shorting out. So he made the wires longer.
>>
>>    * Why do the English drink warm beer? Lucas made the refrigerators, 
>> too.
>>
>>    * Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone. Thomas Edison
>> invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
>>
>>    * Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas
>> equipment: check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk
>> three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of
>> Darkness protect your unworthy servant."
>>
>>    * Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random
>> frequency.
>>
>>    * Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices.
>>
>>
>>
>> -- 
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