> > Women:
> > 1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last
> > oil change.
> > 2. Drink a cup of coffee.
> > 3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained
> > vehicle.
> >
> > Men:
> > 1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for 50 dollars for oil,
> > filter, oil lift (AKA kitty litter), hand cleaner and scented tree.
> > 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking back
> >to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
> >3. Open a beer and drink it.
> > 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
> > 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
> > 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
> > 7. Place drain pan under engine.
> > 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
> > 9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
> > 10. Unscrew drain plug.
> > 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process.
> >12. Clean up.
> > 13. Have another beer while oil is draining.
> >14. Look for oil filter wrench.
> > 15. Give up; poke oil filter with Phillips screwdriver and twist it off.
> >16. Beer.
> > 17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
> > 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
> > 19. Throw oil lift (AKA kitty litter) on oil spilled during step 18.
> > 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
> > 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
> > 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil
> > to gasket first.
> > 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
> > 24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
> >25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> > 26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil
> > drains onto floor.
> > 27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.
> > 28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.
> > 29. Begin cussing fit.
> > 30. Throw wrench.
> > 31. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
> > (1992) in the left boob.
> >32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.
> > 33. Beer.
> > 34. Beer.
> >35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.
> >36. Beer.
> > 37. Lower car from jack stands
> >38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands
> > 39. Move car back to apply more oil lift (AKA kitty litter) to fresh oil
> >spilled during step 23.
> > 40. Drive car ½ quart low for 7000 miles when it'll be time for another
> >oil change.
> >
> Pam Lennard
> ptloncourse@mindspring.com
>
|