Some of these were just too funny not to pass on.
Mike
----- Original Message -----
> 1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
> AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked
> intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
> Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
>
> 2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS:
> Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a
> gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear
> gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them
> in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up!"
>
> 3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
> An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and
> forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein
> the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
>
> 4. THE GETAWAY!
> A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the
> money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied
> up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until
> police showed up and grabbed him.
>
> 5. DID I SAY THAT???
> Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just
> couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man
> in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
> the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
>
> 6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
> A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her
> contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the
> doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
>
> 7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED!!
> In Modesto, California, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
> to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb
> and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his
> hand in his pocket.
>
> 8. THE GRAND FINALE!!
> Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert an
> hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks new to boating were
> having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their
> brand new 22 ft. boat going. It was very sluggish in almost every
maneuver,
> no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to
> make it go, they putted to a nearby marina, thinking someone there
> could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed
> everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine, the out
drive
> went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one
> of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up
> choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
> NOW REMEMBER... THIS IS TRUE!
> .... Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
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