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FW: Friday Funnies (Rated R)

To: healeys@autox.team.net
Subject: FW: Friday Funnies (Rated R)
From: "Taylor Maurer" <heavyhiking@hotmail.com>
Date: Fri, 10 Mar 2006 15:39:31 -0500
>>   Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his 
>>own.
>>
>>   Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
>>
>>   Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
>>
>>   If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the fuck down.
>>
>>   Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him 
>>win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get 
>>out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 
>>card from the game UNO.
>>
>>   Chuck Norris clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
>>
>>   Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
>>
>>   If you see Chuck Norris crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish 
>>is dying.
>>
>>   If you come home to find Chuck Norris doing your wife, it's probably 
>>best to go fetch a glass of water and stand there in case Chuck gets 
>>thirsty. There ain't no future in any other course of action.
>>
>>   Whenever Chuck Norris's wife asks him nicely to do the dishes, he 
>>throws them in the garbage and tells her she looks fat.
>>
>>   When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.
>>
>>   If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 
>>till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in 
>>the face.
>>
>>   Chuck Norris' only pick up line is him snapping his fingers, pointing 
>>at a girl, and then pointing to his bulge. Chuck Norris gets it all the 
>>time.
>>
>>   Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.




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