>I refuse to apologize for sending this to you. Read them and groan like I
>did.
>1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
>with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
>Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he
>went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll
>give you 100,000 dinars for it." But I paid a million dinars for it," the
> King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus
>replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
>
>2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
>bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
>destroyed in a fire, so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
>
>3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think
>I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
>just have to be a little patient."
>
>4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
>that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One
>day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some
>more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to
>wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and
>charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
>
>5) Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
>produce other products and, since they already made watch cases, they used
>them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often
>ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is
>the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
>
>6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets
>and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
>have absolutely nothing to go on."
>
>7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
> After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip
>of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew,
>and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine
>man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and
>said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
>
>8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
>missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
>local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken
>Leif off my census."
>
>9) There were three India n squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on
>an elk skin, and the third slept between them on a hippopotamus skin. All
>three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who
>slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the
>squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the two
>adjacent hides.
>
>10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
>with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a
>particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
>anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
>said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
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