Positive ground (they meant "earth") depends on proper circuit
functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention of the
visible
spectral manifestation known as smoke.
Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this to be
true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical circuit,
it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing.
For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a battery,
prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery shortly
ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke escaping from an
electrical component such as a Lucas voltage regulator, it will also be
observed
that the component no longer functions. The logic is elementary and
inescapable!
The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one device
to another.
When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the system,
nothing works afterward.
Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for some
time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke, requiring
very unsightly large wires.
It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly more
prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or American
counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British, and all
things
British leak. British engines leak oil, British shock absorbers, hydraulic
forks and disk brake systems leak fluid, British tires leak air and
British Intelligence leaks national defense secrets.
Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak smoke.
Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy in
the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries of
electrical components especially British units manufactured by Joseph Lucas,
Ltd.
And remember: A gentleman does not motor about after dark.
Joseph Lucas - The Prince of Darkness
A few Lucas quips:
The Lucas motto: Get home before dark.
Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other three
switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
Back in the '70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began
manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did
not suck.
Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
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