>I [state your name] do solemnly swear not to ridicule or cause to be
>ridiculed any MG 1100,
Clearly difficult to do
Redundant, given the fact that this person
is (attempting) to drive an MG 1100. This
is enough. Additional ridicule would be cruel.
>All persons taking the oath may now sing the SPAM song.
But why not a song that is more in keeping with the
TRUE experience of driving ANY MG? I offer the folling:
The MG Midget Blues (or "B", or "TD", or yes, even 1100!)
(Any 4/4 Blues chord progression will do fine)
I've been driving 'round this town,
For many a long, long year.
But never have I seen,
Such a small car, I fear.
I've got those MG...
Those MG Midget Blues.
I've got my knees under my chin, yeah,
But that just ain't news.
(End of Chorus)
I'm stopped down at the stoplight,
You know, I'm very lost.
I try to go on green,
and I get sucked up the exhaust!
...of one of those big fat Trailer Trucks,
Tons of chrome above and below.
And that's OK, man,
'Cause it is cheaper than a tow.
But you know they're
very good on gas,
And that's real nice, man,
As long as you don't try to pass -
Little old ladies pushing baby carriages on a Sunday morning.
I'm out at night with my lady,
We park - I make a pass,
The gear shift knob and the key ring fob,
Get shoved right up my... (long pause)
(well, YOU know where!)
I've lost count of all my wrenches,
I honestly have no knowledge.
The guys at Moss Motors - they love me,
'Cause I've put their kids through college!
I know just how to bleed clutches,
I can tune SUs by their sound.
I can change out my points blindfolded -
But how to PROPERLY put the top down?
Now, there are some that will tell you,
That the horsepower is too low.
But if I point my radio speakers backwards,
I've got a - Stereo Turbo!
My electrics - they are Lucas,
My plugs are made by Bosch.
My carbs are built by Webber,
And its my first love, by Gosh!
My wife, she up and left me,
For leaving bearings in the kitchen sink.
Now, I'll put a bar in the trunk of my car,
And drive myself to drink!
Copyright (c) 1995 by James H. Fischer
All Rights Reserved (And two wrongs don't
make a right, but if you are lost, sometimes
three lefts will!)
The 2nd Law of Thermodynamics says "Natural processes increase entropy".
Translation - "You think you're in trouble now? Just you wait..."
james fischer firstname.lastname@example.org