>>December 14th.
>>
>>Dearest John:
>>
>>
>>
>>I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a
>>pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more
>>surprised.
>>
>>
>>
>>With dearest love and affection, Agnes
>>
>>
>>
>> --------------------------------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 15th
>>
>>
>>
>>Dearest John:
>>
>>
>>
>>Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two
>>turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are
>>just adorable.
>>
>>
>>
>>All my love, Agnes
>>
>>
>>
>> ------------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 16th
>>
>>
>>
>>Dear John:
>>
>>
>>
>>Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't
>>deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I
>>must insist.... you're just too kind.
>>
>>
>>
>>Love Agnes
>>
>>
>>
>> ---------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 17th
>>
>>
>>
>>Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are
>>beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too
>>romantic.
>>
>>
>>
>>Affectionately, Agnes
>>
>>
>>
>> ---------------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 18th
>>
>>
>>
>>Dearest John:
>>
>>
>>
>>What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One
>>for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all
>>those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
>>
>>
>>
>>All my love, Agnes
>>
>>
>>
>> ------------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 19th
>>
>>
>>
>>Dear John:
>>
>>
>>
>>When I opened the door there were actually six geese a-laying on my
>>front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge.
>>Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't
>>sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
>>
>>
>>
>>Cordially, Agnes
>>
>>
>>
>> ----------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 20th
>>
>>
>>
>>John:
>>
>>
>>
>>What's with you and those fucking birds???? Seven swans a-swimming.
>>What kind of goddamn joke is this? There's bird shit all over the house
and
>>they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all
>>night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those fucking birds.
>>
>>
>>
>>Sincerely, Agnes
>>
>>
>>
>> ----------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 21st
>>
>>
>>
>>OK Buster:
>>
>>
>>
>>I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with eight
maids
>>a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids a-milking,
>>but they had to bring their own goddamn cows. There is shit all over the
>>lawn
>>and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. SMART ASS.
>>
>>
>>
>>Ag
>>
>>
>>
>> ----------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 22nd
>>
>>
>>
>>Hey Shithead:
>>
>>
>>
>>What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing.
>>And Christ - do they play. They never stopped chasing those maids since
>>they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and stepping all over
>>those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do?
>>The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
>>
>>
>>
>>From Ag
>>
>>
>>
>> ----------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 23rd
>>
>>
>>
>>You Rotten Prick:
>>
>>
>>
>>Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call those sluts
>>ladies. They've been balling those nine pipers all night long. Now the
cows
>>can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit.
>>The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the
>>building shouldn't be condemned. I'm sicking the police on you.
>>
>>
>>
>>One who means it, Ag
>>
>>
>>
>> --------------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 24th
>>
>>
>>
>>Listen Fuckhead:
>>
>>
>>
>>What's with the eleven lords a-leaping on those maids and aforementioned
>>"ladies"? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran
>>through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All 234
of
>>the birds are dead. They have been trampled to death in the orgy.
>>I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
>>
>>
>>
>>Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister
>>
>>
>>
>> --------------------------------------
>>
>>
>>
>>December 25th (From the law offices Taeker, Spredar, and Baegar)
>>
>>
>>Dear Sir:
>>
>>This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling,
>>which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister.
>>The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to
>>our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy
>>Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight.
>>With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
>>
>
Got this one from my SO, figured that you all would like it.
Leigh
leigh@eznet.net
|