Beware of the following new viruses:
PAT BUCHANAN VIRUS: Your system works fine, but complains
loudly about foreign software.
COLIN POWELL VIRUS: Makes its presence known, but doesn't
do anything.
HILLARY CLINTON VIRUS: Files disappear, only to mysteriously
reappear a year later in another directory.
OJ SIMPSON VIRUS: You know it's guilty of trashing your
system, but you just can't prove it.
STEVE FORBES VIRUS: All files reported as the same size.
PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This virus doesn't horse around. Warns
you of impending attack:
Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Doesn't identify itself as a
"virus" -- instead, refers to itself as an "electronic
microorganism."
ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system
just before the whole thing quits.
DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Thier is sumtheng rong with yure coputter,
but yue cant fugyur outt watt!!
GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your
diagnostic software says everything is fine.
TEXAS VIRUS: Makes sure it's bigger than any other file in
your computer.
ADAM AND EVE VIRUS: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS: The computer locks up and the screen
splits in half with the same message appearing on each side.
The message says that the blame for the gridlock is caused
by the other side.
AMERICAN AIRLINES VIRUS: You're in Dallas, but your data is
in Singapore.
FREUDIAN VIRUS: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying
its own motherboard.
PBS VIRUS: Your program stops running every few minutes to
ask for money.
ELVIS VIRUS: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy...then
self-destructs, only to surface at shopping malls, coffee
shops, and service stations across rural America.
OLLIE NORTH VIRUS: Turns your printer into a shredder.
SEARS AUTOMOTIVE VIRUS: Your data won't appear unless you buy
new cables, battery and shocks.
HEALTH CARE SYSTEM VIRUS: Tests your system for a day, finds
nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
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