One of the more fun things about this MG list is the clash of cultures
between the UK and the US. The last beer thread was evidence of this. Now
it's postal service... why you need your mail twice a day? Anyway...
The United States Postal Service, despite having one of the lowest delivery
rates anywhere in the world (32 cents for a letter), also has an extremely
complicated rate structure. It not only irks postal employees to some extent,
it can really confuse the customer. It can also be used by us postal
employees to bother the hell out of people we dont' like, and relieve stress.
Keeps us from going postal you know.
Reminds me of one day I was damn ready to go postal. This known pompus ass
hands me a box. He's been in our grocery store/post office before and I did
NOT like him. I tell him the postage is $5.00, a perfectly valid rate.
He's a big tall guy, maybe 45-50, 250+lbs. I'm about 5'10", 155lbs and
barely look 20. In a bellowing voice, snotty, arrogant voice he bellows out
that it cannot possibly cost $5.00, it only had $2.44 postage on it when he
recieved it. Before I could get a word in edgewise that $5.00 was the default
first-class rate and that there were lower rates, he started bellowing on
about how over charging someone for postage was "A VERY SERIOUS OFFENSE". I
just looked at him and he began to repeat himself. Detecting just a hint of
effrontery in his voice I decide to be a spiteful little ass.
"Well sir if you care to specify a different rate--" I begin.
"Third-Class" he blurts.
"I'm sorry sir, third class was discontinued last year" which is sorta
true, it's name was just changed.
"Cheapest rate then" he blasts, fuming that I've decided to give him a
hard time.
"Your options, sir, are Standard A, Standard B, Special Standard, Library,
or Free-Matter For the Blind. Are you blind, because if you are then sending
this package will be very inexpensive?"
This might not be as exciting in text as it was in a crowded supermarket.
Everyone had quite a smirk on thier faces.
"No, I am not blind."
"Are you a library?"
"What do I look like to you kid?" he asks.
"I have no idea what your profession is, nor your wifes, you might very
well be a librarian. If you are not blind, nor a librarian, your only choices
cheaper that what I said before are Standard A, Standard B, and Special
Standard." Pushing a button on the scale I say, "It would be $1.24 Special
Standard."
"Then send it Special Standard"
"Hold on now, sir, it isn't that easy. Is this a book, periodical, or
other bound matter?"
"No, it's not a book or whatever"
"Well as much as I would like you to send it this way, I have to inform
you it would be a VERY SERIOUS OFFENSE to send anything other than bound
matter as special standard. Nearly as great an offense as overcharging
someone for postage."
"Listen kid, what is the closest thing to third class?"
"Standard A is the single piece rate for individuals who are not a business
that replaced third class but it is only for things like seeds, 16mm film or
narrower and textiles. Does this package contain any seeds?" When I start
shaking the box listening for seeds the line of people are audibly laughing.
"ITS A FRIGGAN SHIRT THAT DOESN'T FIT", and his is obviously frustrated.
"AH, you should have said that, textile, Standard A, $2.55... NEXT?"
I felt like I was in a Monty Python sketch because he fell into nearly every
trap I'd laid.
John
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