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Re: Monday Morning Cheer

To: david.boldt@eastgroup.com, WBarnes464@aol.com, brprsq@gte.net,
Subject: Re: Monday Morning Cheer
From: RobMGB@aol.com
Date: Tue, 17 Nov 1998 21:43:32 EST
In a message dated 11/17/98 7:47:41 PM Eastern Standard Time, RBYRUM8612
writes:

<< 
 ODD SIGNS FROM ENGLAND OR ANYWHERE
 
 Sign in a Laundromat:
 AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR
 CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT
 
 Sign in a London department store:
 BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
 
 In an office:
 WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
 PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
 
 Outside a farm:
 HORSE MANURE  50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG  
                             20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
 
 In an office:
 AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND
 STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD
 
 On a church door:
 THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR.
 THIS DOOR IS KEPT LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT.
 PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
 
 English sign in a German cafe:
 MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
 
 Outside a secondhand shop:
 WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC.
 WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL
 BARGAIN?
 
 Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the
 Prince of Wales:
 THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING.
 IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED.
 OPEN TOMORROW.
 
 Outside a photographer's studio:
 OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
 
 Outside a disco:
 SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE
 WELCOME
 
 Sign warning of quicksand:
 QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE  DROWNED.
 BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.
 
 Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
 DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND
 VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE
 GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER
 
 Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
 ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30
 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED OF.
 
 Sign on motorway garage:
 PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE
 MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH BUT OUR PETROL IS
 
 Notice in health food shop window:
 CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
 
 Seen during a conference:
 FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE
 IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR
 
 Notice in a field:
 THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
 BUT THE BULL CHARGES
 
 Message on a leaflet:
 IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET
 LESSONS
 
 Sign on a repair shop door:
 WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.
 (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)
 
 Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
 BEWARE!  I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH
 ONE HAS JUST LEFT
 
 Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
 TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW >>

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