Happy Holidays to All
[
The Night Before Christmas
(British car version)
'Twas the night before Christmas and out in the shed
Sat a tired old Triumph, its battery dead.
Its fenders were rusted, the floorpan had holes
The seats and the carpets had been eaten by voles
The tires had dry-rot, the gas tank was leaking
A turn of the wheel sent tie rods a-creaking.
So I put on my coat with a weight on my heart,
And went out to the shed to get it to start.
The engine turned over--there arose such a clatter!
I knew from the sound it was timing chain chatter.
>From under the dashboard there came a bright flash:
The wiring harness had just turned to ash!
"I've had it with Triumphs!" I finally swore
"Enough is too much! I can't take any more!"
When what to my red, teary eyes should appear
But a little Englishman (hey, I might need a beer!)
"Good Day," I heard, as he tapped my shoulder.
"Im Joe Lucas he said as the car continued to smolder.
"This one can be saved; there's no reason to grieve.
All you need is some faith--Man, you've got to believe!
"A hammer! Some duct tape! Get me more tools!
When you work on these cars you just make up the rules!
"We'll get her cranked over - no way that she'll stall
(But stand over there with your back to the wall.)"
A cough and a sputter, the cacophony stunning--
I couldn't believe it! The damn thing was running!
The ghost winked at me and said, kicking a tire,
"Whatever you do, DO NOT TOUCH THIS WIRE!"
The old man then vanished amid sneezes and farts
But when the smoke cleared he had left me some parts.
So I opened the shed door and let the hood down
Put her in gear and went out on the town.
And I thought to myself as I missed second gear
Merry Christmas to All and a Happy New Year!
submitted by Kevin Lynch of Denver, CO
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