Larry Bull wrote:
>
> A little bit of church humor from one of my biking friends that I thought
> you might get a kick out of.
>
> Larry
>
> >> More Classic CHURCH BULLETIN Bloopers
> >>
> >> 1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to
> >> be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> >>
> >> 2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls
> >> on people who are not afflicted with any church.
> >>
> >> 3) The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.
> >> all ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S.
> >> is done.
> >>
> >> 4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
> >>
> >> 5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
> >> congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake
> >> breakfast next Sunday morning.
> >>
> >> 6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the
> >> recession.
> >>
> >> 7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to
> >> 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
> >>
> >> 8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
> >>
> >> 9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without
> >> musical accomplishment.
> >>
> >> 10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have
> >> a nursery downstairs.
> >>
> >> 11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of
> >> the audience.
> >>
> >> 12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the
> >> choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
> >>
> >> 13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare
> >> privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our
> >> pulpit.
> >>
> >> 14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning
> >> service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
> >>
> >> 15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services
> >> will be discontinued until further notice.
> >>
> >> 16) Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
> >>
> >> 17) The music for today's service was all composed by George
> >> Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.
> >>
> >> 18) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
> >> community.
> >>
> >> 19) The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in
> >> the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited
> >> to attend this tragedy.
> >>
> >> 20) The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success.
> >> Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the
> >> whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
> >>
> >> 21) 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the
> >> home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and
> >> Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
> >>
> >> 22) A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.
> >>
> >> 23) Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a
> >> full choir.
> >>
> >> 24) Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev.
> >> Horace Blodgett Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding"
> >>
> >> 25) On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS
> >> GOOD Dr. Hargreaves is better.
> >>
> >> 26) Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
> >>
> >> 27) Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
> >>
> >> 28) The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
> >>
> >> 29) Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church
> >> secretary.
> >>
> >> 30) 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition
> >> of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> >>
> >> 31) The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys
> >> sinning to join the choir.
> >>
> >> 32) Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in
> >> preparing for the girth of their first child.
> >>
> >> 33) Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double
> >> door at the side entrance.
> >>
> >
I will forward a copy to Rev. Grainger at Trinity Anglican (my parish),
I am sure he will appreciate it. By the way, he is British, and when he
saw the bug he knew immediately what it was.
Daniel
|