Does that strike a cord close to home???////???????????? lol lol
----- Original Message -----
From: Brad Fornal <toyman@htcomp.net>
To: Gerard Chateauvieux <pixelsmith@gerardsgarage.com>
Cc: <spridgets@autox.team.net>
Sent: Friday, October 29, 1999 6:24 PM
Subject: Re: A little bit early... (absolutely no LBC)
> Oh! OH! (righteous indignation) I am SOOOOOOOOO offended by this. Don't
post this
> again!!! My sides hurt to much from laughing <G> thanks Gerard
Brad
>
> Gerard Chateauvieux wrote:
>
> > My apologies to my southern friends, but here's a little early Xmas
humor.
> >
> > -g
> >
> > >
> > >> > An announcement from Santa. . .
> > >> >
> > >> > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no
longer be
> > >> > able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve. Due to the
> > >> > overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract was
> > >> > renegotiated by North American Fairies and Elves Local 209. I now
serve
> > >> > only certain areas of Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin and
Michigan.
> > >> >
> > >> > As part of the new and better contract, I also get longer breaks
for milk
> > >> > and cookies, so keep that in mind.
> > >> >
> > >> > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good hands with
your
> > >> > local replacement who happens to be my third cousin, Bubba Claus.
His
> > >> > side of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
> > >> > delivering toys to all the good boys and girls; however, there are
a few
> > >> > differences between us.
> > >> >
> > >> > Differences such as:
> > >> >
> > >> > 1. There is no danger of a Grinch stealing your present from Bubba
> > >> > Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a bumper sticker that
reads:
> > >> > "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
> > >> >
> > >> > 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that children
leave
> > >> > an RC cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie] on the fireplace. And
Bubba
> > >> > doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a little snuff though, so please
have an
> > >> > empty spit can handy.
> > >> >
> > >> > 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin' coon dogs
> > >> > instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him a couple of
my
> > >> > reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now overlooks Bubba's
fireplace.
> > >> >
> > >> > 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen..."
when
> > >> > Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt, on
Wallace,
> > >> > on Martin, and Labonte. On Rudd, on Jarrett, on Elliott, and
Petty."
> > >> >
> > >> > 5. "Ho, ho, ho!" has been replaced by "Yee Haw!"
> > >> >
> > >> > 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus' sleigh does
have a
> > >> > Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with the words "Back off."
The
> > >> > last I heard, there were other decorations on the sleigh back as
well.
> > >> > One is Ford logo with lights that race through the letters, and
> > >> > the other is a caricature of me (Santa Claus) going wee wee on the
Tooth
> > >> > Fairy.
> > >> >
> > >> > 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle on 34th
Street"
> > >> > and "It's a Wonderful Life" will not be shown in your negotiated
viewing
> > >> > area. Instead, you'll see "Boss Hogg Saves Christmas" and "Smokey
and
> > >> > the Bandit IV," featuring Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens
of
> > >> > state patrol cars crashing into each other.
> > >> >
> > >> > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd make sure
you,
> > >> > the wife, and the kids turn the other way when he bends over to put
> > >> > presents under the tree.
> > >> >
> > >> > 9. And finally, lovely Christmas songs have been sung about me,
like
> > >> > "Rudolph The Red-nosed Reindeer" and Bing Crosby's "Santa Claus Is
> > >> > Coming to Town." This year, songs about Bubba Claus will be played
on
> > >> > all the AM radio stations in the South. The songs will be Mark
> > >> > Chesnutt's "Bubba Claus Shot the Jukebox"; Cledus T. Judd's "All I
Want
> > >> > for Christmas Is My Woman and a Six Pack", and Hank Williams Jr.'s
"If
> > >> > You Don't Like Bubba Claus, You Shove It."
> > >> >
> > >> > Sincerely Yours,
> > >> >
> > >> > Santa Claus (member of North American Fairies and Elves Local 209)
> > >> >
> > >>
> > >
> >
> > If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you
> > probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
> >
> > G G Gerard Chateauvieux
> > E A
> > R R pixelsmith@gerardsgarage.com
> > A A
> > R G Pixelsmith on Duty
> > D E
> > S http://www.gerardsgarage.com
>
>
>
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