How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the
time she brings it.
Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long
enough to build up the required pressure.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman
who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to
support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary
things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me What's on the TV? I said,
"Dust!"
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she
starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front
door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you
let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won't do what she's
told.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every
country, son.
A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted." The next
day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can
have mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
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