If you haven't already deleted this, great. I hope you manage to make it to
the bottom.
"Don't ask, don't tell" doesn't work. Try not mentioning your spouse for a
week. Drop them from the conversation. No nouns, no pronouns, and no subtle
references (such as a combined e-mail address or signature). When someone
asks you what you did for the weekend, mention only what you did and never
in terms of "we". Don't forget to leave out the "romantic" trips that would
bring up more questions. You can succeed when talking to young kids, but
then try that with an adult. It becomes near impossible.
After a few years of reading posts, it is obvious to me that I am the odd
one out. I think the list is a great resource, it's a shame I always feel
like a voyeur into Middle America. The reason I stay is my interest in my
Sprite and a lifetime of never having worked on cars. It isn't a skill my
father had the ability to pass on.
So, here's the laundry list of things that have no relationship to my
interest in cars, but do round out my personality. As a kid, I belonged to a
Catholic Youth Group, Young Christian Athletes and Girl Scouts (although I
really wanted to be a Boy Scout). I like guns. I believe one parent should
stay at home with the kid(s). I disagree with affirmative action and think
men and women should pass the same physicals (military, police, fireman,
etc.). I support the death penalty. I support the military. I think war
sucks for the people fighting it. I don't think it's fair that only men
register for the draft. I haven't been in the military, but. I come from a
strong tradition of military service. Our military doesn't want me. Okay,
that's not entirely true, they did want me badly, if I was willing to lie on
the paperwork (in the 80s) and when I was in the closet (early 90s).
I'm one of those people. The kind who won't hide my relationship. I've been
called dyke, queer, homo and worse by people I don't know and some that I do
(family). I've been assaulted by drunk college kids and thrown out of my
home by my parents. I know first-hand what it's like to be on the receiving
end of inappropriate sexual contact by an adult and they were NOT gay or
Catholic.
So, when you're talking about those gay activists, you're describing me,
even though my days of marching in parades are long past. I'm too busy
working, paying my bills, worrying about the economy and if I'll ever get a
job again.
I don't want special treatment, I want equal treatment -- you know, that
stuff that married couples receive. Here are some examples of those "special
rights" people are so worried about.
The right to make decisions on a partner's behalf in a medical emergency.
The right to take up to 12 weeks of leave from work to care for a seriously
ill partner or parent of a partner.
The right to petition for same-sex partners to immigrate.
The right to assume parenting rights and responsibilities when children are
brought into a family through birth, adoption, surrogacy or other means.
The right to share equitably all jointly held property and debt in the event
of a breakup, since there are no laws that cover the dissolution of domestic
partnerships.
Family-related Social Security benefits, income and estate tax benefits,
disability benefits, family-related military and veterans benefits and other
important benefits.
The right to inherit property from a partner in the absence of a will.
These inequities impose added costs on my family, such as increased health
insurance premiums, higher tax burdens, and the absence of pension benefits
or Social Security benefits should one of us die.
We have to consult an attorney to draw up legal documents such as powers of
attorney, co-parenting agreements and wills, that will at least permit us to
declare who we wish to make health care and financial decisions for us if we
become incapacitated; how we wish to share parenting responsibilities or, in
the event of a breakup, custody of a child; and what we want to happen to
our property when we die. And while they are a solution, they are not an
adequate substitute for legal protection under law and cannot provide the
broad range of benefits and protections provided by law.
Many issues never seem important until you have someone close to you that is
affected. So, yes, I'm one of those people who will bring it to your
attention. Even if it isn't by holding a placard, or staging a sit-in. And
if some of you may be thinking, why do I refer to my partner/special
friend/roommate as my wife? Afer 9+ years, I think I've earned it.
Okay, I'll stop now. I've got to finish packing for our move to the land of
fruits and nuts (where I'll probably fit right in).
I hope you all have sunny weather this weekend.
Happy motoring,
Alix (who also goes by the even shorter version of my name, Al)
'68 Sprite dreaming of all-year top-down weather
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