>> Lucas Electrics
>>
>> Electrical Theory - by Joe Lucas
>>
>>
>>
>> Positive ground (they meant "earth") depends on proper circuit
>>
>> functioning, which is the transmission of negative ions by retention
>>
>> of the visible spectral manifestation known as smoke.
>>
>>
>>
>> Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work. We know this
>>
>> to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of an electrical
>>
>> circuit, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through
>>
>> empirical testing.
>>
>>
>>
>> For example, if one places a copper bar across the terminals of a
>>
>> battery, prodigious quantities of smoke are liberated and the battery
>>
>> shortly ceases to function. In addition, if one observes smoke
>>
>> escaping from an electrical component such as a Lucas voltage
>>
>> regulator, it will also be observed that the component no longer
>>
>> functions. The logic is elementary and inescapable!
>>
>>
>>
>> The function of the wiring harness is to conduct the smoke from one
>>
>> device to another.
>>
>>
>>
>> When the wiring springs a leak and lets all the smoke out of the
>>
>> system, nothing works afterward.
>>
>>
>>
>> Starter motors were considered unsuitable for British motorcycles for
>>
>> some time largely because they consumed large quantities of smoke,
>>
>> requiring very unsightly large wires.
>>
>>
>>
>> It has been reported that Lucas electrical components are possibly
>>
>> more prone to electrical leakage than their Bosch, Japanese or
>>
>> American counterparts. Experts point out that this is because Lucas
>>
>> is British, and all things British leak. British engines leak oil,
>>
>> British shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brake systems leak
>>
>> fluid, British tires leak air and British Intelligence leaks national
>>
>> defense secrets.
>>
>>
>>
>> Therefore, it follows that British electrical systems must leak
>>
>> smoke. Once again, the logic is clear and inescapable.
>>
>>
>>
>> In conclusion, the basic concept of transmission of electrical energy
>>
>> in the form of smoke provides a logical explanation of the mysteries
>>
>> of electrical components especially British units manufactured by
>>
>> Joseph Lucas, Ltd.
>>
>>
>>
>> And remember: A gentleman does not motor about after dark.
>>
>>
>>
>> Joseph Lucas - The Prince of Darkness
>>
>>
>>
>> A few Lucas quips:
>>
>>
>>
>> The Lucas motto: Get home before dark.
>>
>>
>>
>> Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
>>
>> Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
>>
>> Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
>>
>>
>>
>> The three-position Lucas switch--DIM, FLICKER and OFF. The other
>>
>> three switch settings--SMOKE, SMOLDER and IGNITE.
>>
>>
>>
>> The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
>>
>>
>>
>> If Lucas made guns, wars would not start either.
>>
>>
>>
>> Back in the '70s, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and
>>
>> began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they
>>
>> offered which did not suck.
>>
>>
>>
>> Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
>>
>> A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> What's really scary: Lucas make aviation control hydraulics for Boeing
and Airbus . . .
------------------------
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