Subject: Engineers
Understanding Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where
did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I
was
walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman
rode
up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes
and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably
wouldn't have fit."
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in,
"I
don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey,
here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather
slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of
blind
firefighters who lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good
idea.
And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's
anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else
to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called
on
the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the
past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
huge machine.
Finally, at the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and said, "This is where your
problem
is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The
company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They
demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put
it
$49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer.
Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical
engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The
last
said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste
pipeline through a recreational area?"
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because
of
the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like
both."
"Both?" they asked. Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,
they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and
you
can go to the lab and get some work done."
=====
Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent
over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If
you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do
ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it
and
put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a
week
and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said,
"Look
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog,
now that's cool."
/// unsubscribe/change address requests to majordomo@autox.team.net or try
/// http://www.team.net/mailman/listinfo
/// Archives at http://www.team.net/archive/team-thicko
|