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FWD: Car types

To: <alpines@autox.team.net>, <tigers@autox.team.net>,
Subject: FWD: Car types
From: Jay Laifman <JLAIFMAN@PNM.MHS.CompuServe.COM>
Date: 02 Oct 96 19:33:27 EDT
>>The Statements Car Owners are Really Making
>>
>>Acura Integra           - I have always wanted to own the Buick of
>>                          sports cars
>>Acura Legend            - I'm too bland for German cars
>>Acura NSX               - I am impotent
>>Audi 90                 - I enjoy putting out engine fires
>>Buick Park Avenue       - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
>>Cadillac Eldorado       - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
>>Cadillac Seville        - I am a pimp
>>Chevrolet Camaro        - I enjoy beating the hell out of people
>>Chevrolet Chevette      - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell
>>                          them I have a 'Vette
>>Chevrolet Corvette      - I'm in a mid-life crisis
>>Chevrolet El Camino     - I am leading a militia to overthrow the
>>                            government
>>Chrysler Cordoba        - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
>>Datsun 280Z             - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
>>Dodge Dart              - I teach third grade special education and I
>>                          voted for Eisenhower
>>Dodge Daytona           - I delivered pizza for four years to get
>>                          this car
>>Ferrari Testarossa      - I am known to prematurely ejaculate
>>Ford Fairmont           - (See Dodge Dart)
>>Ford Mustang            - I slow down to 85 in school zones
>>Ford Crown Victoria     - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and change
>>                          lanes when I pull up behind them
>>Geo Storm               - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
>>Geo Tracker             - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
>>Honda del Sol           - I have always said, half a convertible is
>>                          better than no convertible at all
>>Honda Civic             - I have just graduated and have no credit
>>Honda Accord            - I lack any originality and am basically a
>>                           lemming.
>>Infiniti Q45            - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits
>>                           pending.
>>Isuzu Impulse           - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or his
>>                           reports.
>>Jaguar XJ6              - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is
>>                          in the shop 280 days per year.
>>Kia Sephia              - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu
>>                          Corp.
>>Lamborghini Countach    - I only have one testicle
>>Lincoln Town Car        - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers
>>Mercury Grand Marquis   - (See above)
>>Mercedes 500SL          - I will beat you up if you ask me for an
>>                          autograph
>>Mercedes 560SEL         - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son
>>                          named Cole
>>Mazda Miata             - I do not fear being decapitated by an
>>                          eighteen-wheeler
>>MGB                     - I am dating a mechanic
>>Mitsubishi Diamante     - I don't know what it means either
>>Nissan 300ZX            - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
>>Oldsmobile Cutlass      - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a
>>                            fortune off the parts
>>Peugeot 505 Diesel      - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
>>Plymouth Neon           - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
>>Pontiac Trans AM        - I have a switchblade in my sock
>>Porsche 911 Turbo       - I have a three inch thingie
>>Porsche 944             - I am dating big haired women that otherwise
>>                          would be inaccessible to me
>>Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too
>>                          liberal
>>Saturn SC2              - (See Honda Civic)
>>Subaru Legacy           - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
>>                          inferior than Isuzu
>>Toyota Camry            - I am still in the closet
>>Volkswagon Beetle       - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
>>Volkswagon Cabriolet    - I am out of the closet
>>Volkswagon Microbus     - I am tripping right now
>>Volvo 740 Wagon         - I am frightened of my wife



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