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Re: 10 Best Tools of All Time

To: FunbeamChuck <FunbeamChuck@home.com>
Subject: Re: 10 Best Tools of All Time
From: Victor Hughes <hughes@scides.canberra.edu.au>
Date: Wed, 01 Aug 2001 14:07:47 +1000
Chuck,

This is great.  Just 2 comments.  First, you missed the Very Large Hammer, known
in this country as 'An American Screwdriver'.  Second , over here (and in the
UK) "Bonking" has a another meaning - what we might discretely refer to as a
reproductive activity.  Hence the term "Bonking Stick" conjures up a completely
different image.......

Cheers

Vic

FunbeamChuck wrote:

> Not specifically Tiger related, but I just had to pass this on...
> All the Best,
> FunbeamChuck
>
> Subject: 10 Best Tools of All Time
>
> Forget the Snap-On Tools truck; its never been there when you need it.
> Besides there are only 10 things in this world you need to fix any car, any
> place, any time.
>
> 1- Duct Tape - Not just a tool, a veritable Swiss Army knife in stickum and
> plastic. Its safty wire, body material, radiator hose, upholstery,
> insulation, tow rope, and more in an easy to carry package. Sure, there's
> prejudice surrounding duct tape in concours competitions, but in the real
> world, everything from LeMans winning Porches to Atlas rockets use it by the
> yard. the only thing that can get you out of more scrapes is a quarter and a
> phone booth.
>
> 2- Vice Grips- Equally adept as a wrench, hammer , pliers, baling wire
> twister, breaker-off of frozen bolts and wiggle-it-til-it falls-off tool.
> the heavy artillery of your tool box, vice grips are the only tool designed
> expressly to fix things screwed up beyond repair.
>
> 3- Spray Lubricants- A considerably cheaper alternitive to new doors,
> alternator, and othe squeaky items. Slicker than pig phlegm, repeated
> soakings will allow the main hull bolts of the Andrea Doria to be removed by
> hand. Strangely enough, an integral part of these sprays is the infamous
> little red tube that flies out of the nozzle if you look at it cross eyed
> (one of the 10 worst tools of all time).
>
> 4- Margarine Tubs with Clear Lids- If you spend all you time under the hood
> looking for A frendle pin that caromed off the petal valve when you knocked
> both off the air cleaner, it's because you eat butter. Real mechanics
> consume pounds of tasteless vegetable oil replicas just so they can use the
> empty tubs for parts containers afterward. (some of course chuck the
> butter-colored goo altogether or use it to repack wheel bearings.) Unlike
> air cleaners and radiator lips, margarine tubs aren't
> connected by a time/space wormhole to the Parallel Universe of Lost Frendle
> Pins.
>
> 5- Big Rock at the Side of the Road- Block up a tire. Smack corroded battery
> terminals. Pound out a dent. Bop noisy know-it-all types on the noodle.
> Scientists have yet to develop a hammer that packs the raw banging power of
> granite or limestone. This is the only tool with which a "made in India"
> emblem is not synonymous with the user's maiming.
>
> 6- Plastic Zip Ties- After 20 years of lashing down stray hose and wiring
> with old bread ties, some genius brought a slightly slicked up version to
> the auto parts market. Fifteen zip ties can transform a hulking mass of
> amateur quality wiring from a working model of the Brazilian Rain Forest
> into something remotely resembling a wiring harness. Of course it works both
> ways. When buying a used car, subtract $100 for each zip tie under the hood.
>
> 7- Rediculously Large Standard Screwdriver- Let's admit it. There's nothing
> better for prying, chiseling, lifting, breaking, splitting or mutilating
> than a huge flatbladed screwdriver particularly when weilded with gusto and
> a big hammer. This is also the tool of choice for all filters so insanely
> located that they can only be removed by driving a stage in one side
> and out the other. If you break the screwdriver --and you will just like Dad
> and you shop teacher said--who cares if it has a lifetime guarantee.
>
> 8- Bailing Wire- Commonly known as MG muffler brackets, bailing wire holds
> anything that's too hot for tape or ties. Like duct tape, it's not
> recomended for concours contenders since it works so well you'll never need
> to replace it with the right thing again. Bailing wire is a sentimental
> favorite in some circles, particularly with the MG, Triumph, and flathead
> Ford set.
>
> 9- Bonking Stick- This monstrous tuning fork with devilish pointy ends is
> technically known as a tie-rod-separator, but how often do you separate
> tie-rod ends? Once every decade if you're lucky. Other than medieval combat,
> its real use is the all purpose application of undue force, not unlike that
> of the huge flat-bladed screwdriver. Nature doesn't know the bent metal
> panel or frozen exhaust pipe that can stand up to a good bonking stick. (Can
> also be use to separate Tie-rod ends in a
> pinch, of course, but does a lousy job of it).
>
> 10- A Quarter and a Phone Booth- See tip #1 above.

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