FACTS OF LIFE:
>If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you.
>Deja moo: the feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
>Psychiatrists say that 1 in 4 are mentally ill. Check three of your
friends, if they are ok, you're it.
>A truly wise man never plays leap frog with a unicorn.
>It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
>Clothes make the man. Naked men have little influence on society.
>Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not
be evenly distributed.
>Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
left them to where you can't find them.
>Forget about World Peace.... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!
>Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
>Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
>As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
>Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
>Sometimes I wake up grumpy, Other times I let her sleep.
>I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car.
>I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
>I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
>If we aren't suppossed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
>Its lonely at the top, but you eat better.
>Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
>Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
>We are born naked, wet and hungry. then things get worse.
>Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
>He who who laughs last thinks slowest.
>Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
>Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
>Verry funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
>Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
>WE are Microsoft. Resistance is Futile. You will be Assimilated.
>3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
>Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!"...till you can find a
rock.
>I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic
particles.
>There are 2 great secrets to success in life. The first is not tell
everything you know.
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