--Boundary (ID gkfCHfGrjZCmwVLX+LJ2MQ)
Just a bit of a laugh, hope you like it
--Boundary (ID gkfCHfGrjZCmwVLX+LJ2MQ)
I've watched a few Bond films, and I've learned a few things.......
If I ever become an Evil Overlord:
1. My legions of terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass
visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not
kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is _not_ too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on
the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons
of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks,
"Or are you afraid without your armies to back you up?" My reply will be,
"No, just sensible."
8. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you
kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say,
"No." and shoot him.
9. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married
immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three
weeks time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
10. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely
necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled
"Danger: Do Not Push".
11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small
hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no
need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my
weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
14. I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an
accident: I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't
believe it.
15. I will make it clear that I _do_ know the meaning of the word
"mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any
flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before
implementation.
17. All slain enemies will be cremated, not left for dead at the
bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any
accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned
disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as
members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military
boots or adhere to any other dress codes.
19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any
other form of last request.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I
find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to
activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his
plan into operation.
21. I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently
twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's
caused.
22. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's
just one thing I want to know."
23. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
their advice.
--Boundary (ID gkfCHfGrjZCmwVLX+LJ2MQ)--
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