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Date: Fri, 12 Dec 1997 09:10:54 -0500
From: "McGahey, Christopher (HT-EX)" <CMcGahey@NLvl.com>
Subject: FW: Brit humor
To: "'McGaheyRx'" <McGaheyRx@aol.com>, "'WDu'" <WDu@bangate.compaq.com>
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>-----Original Message-----
>From: RBlake6279@aol.com [SMTP:RBlake6279@aol.com]
>Sent: Friday, December 12, 1997 7:38 AM
>To: cmcgahey@BNG.NLvl.com
>Subject: Fwd: Brit humor
>
>
>---------------------
>Forwarded message:
>Subj: Brit humor
>Date: 97-12-12 07:13:30 EST
>From: KrisBSaga
>To: TygeB
>CC: RBlake6279
>
>
>
>Most of the statements were found in Great Britain.
>
> Sign in a Laundromat
>AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
>GOES OUT
>
> Sign in a London department store:
> BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS
>
> In an office:
> WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
>FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN
>
> Outside a farm:
> HORSE MANURE 50p PER PRE-PACKED BAG 20p DO-IT-YOURSELF
>
> In an office:
> AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
>DRAINING BOARD
>
> On a church door:
> THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT
>LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)
>
> English sign in a German cafe:
> MOTHERS, PLEASE WASH YOUR HANS BEFORE EATING
>
> Outside a secondhand shop:
> WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR
>WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
>
> Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of
> Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER
> BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.
>
> Outside a photographer's studio:
> OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO
>
> Seen at the side of a Sussex road:
> SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.
>
> Outside a disco:
> SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME
>
> Sign warning of quicksand:
> QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE
>DISTRICT COUNCIL.
>
> Notice sent to residents of a Wiltshire parish:
> DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE
>WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN
>ORDER
>
> Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
> ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED
>OF.
>
> Sign on motorway garage:
> PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH
>BUT OUR PETROL IS
>
> Notice in health food shop window:
> CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS
>
> Spotted in a safari park:
> ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR
>
> Seen during a conference:
> FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE
>FIRST FLOOR
>
> Notice in a field:
> THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
>
> Message on a leaflet:
> IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS
>
> Sign on a repair shop door:
> WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
>WORK)
>
> Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
> BEWARE! I SHOOT EVERY TENTH TRESPASSER AND THE NINTH ONE HAS JUST LEFT
>
> Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
> TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW
>
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